can't see can't breath

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Lovely
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Fri Aug 06, 2010 5:03 pm

From Andy Timmons.

Please let me breath I love my girl so much I am nothing...what?

Love my Vai, myself to much a big hissssssssssssssss for me.

Take care. I will take care of my Steve Vai, I respect him so much

I will write for you all please give me a little time my child has die

Sad me.........................................

Let me go in my misery no one tears or care cries .......oceans

Laya.............Laya, ease my worried mind please
Last edited by Lovely on Sat Aug 07, 2010 12:09 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Fri Aug 06, 2010 9:31 pm

Hi Lovely,

Thanks for your comments on my poems, although I must admit to finding your comments somewhat confusing, and your poems similarly so! Forgive me but I'm presuming English isn't your first language?

If so, it would be rude of me to comment really, but just to say breath should probably be breathe?

cheers
CD
"You have no idea what obstinate hair mine is, Copperfield. I am quite a fretful porcupine"
Lovely
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Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:57 pm

I am spain thank you. English has been some what hard for me
can't undertand her at all the gram is so hard I will write in spanish
for you

Dave, Phd I am sorry, about my doctorate that is. I have been trying to
write for years for all my education means nothing now my world has finished

Remark on a word by all means but please don't attack me.....what?
Last edited by Lovely on Fri Aug 06, 2010 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Fri Aug 06, 2010 11:08 pm

Ah,

The loss of nuances in this virtual world is hard enough when speaking your own language, never mind a foreign one!

Respect to you.
"You have no idea what obstinate hair mine is, Copperfield. I am quite a fretful porcupine"
Lovely
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Fri Aug 06, 2010 11:11 pm

Surely poetry is the heart where are you coming from?

Have you read me by the way......There is at least 38 poems here.
Know disrepect but read my poems ....what? A poem me?

Get to write Okay I will be watching you.

As I say no disrepects. But come on guy write don't blah.

Respects
Cryptic Cadence
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Mon Aug 09, 2010 8:13 am

Why are you talking about your love for Steve Vai (the virtuouso guitarist) and then ending the poem with a line from Eric Clapton's Layla? I'm afraid I don't understand the poem at all.
John G
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Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:21 am

You have thing for Mr Vai - I have noticed this.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
Lovely
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Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:00 pm

Blind drunk me here.......sorry. You are right. I was crazy that night.



Dave
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