Poetry Forum

Gone,
those autumn skies.

All I can see is one morbid
firmament, further saddened
by a prolonged monsoon
which has yet to prove its efficacy.

I still recall
you and me, drenched,
strolling in the quiet
of a mustard field
under a massive blue whale cloud.

I had to read this numerous times to understand & feel it - which is what a poem should do. Yet I feel the flow is turbulent as the monsoon in process. May I suggest ... Make the last stanza the FIRST stanza & line break after "mustard"

Then in the last stanza drop the first two words in the last line

I think you would have a very nice creation with these changes

"bitter is better" & you have carried it forward quite well

dear arunansu

do you every sleep,

this poem based on the seasons was wonderful,

i do agree with chicory, about changing the last stanza

to become the first, the poem was very good,

i liked it very much,

Thank you so much Chicory and Gavin. I value your suggestions. I would definitely give a more closer look to my piece. Thank you for the time. Smiles.