Tumbling in Black

[wabbit]

They drive the trains
Down lanes
The brains
Where the cranes tower
Glower
Dust showers down
Ants scurrying
hurrying Around
Towns
Little trickles
Twinkles
All lost in shape
Tumbling in black
To escape

[Lovely]

Black is the theme eh?

It came to you in the night when alone. Black has many paints with it
are stars and planets black is the screen, don't look back it's black.

I don't know what promted you to write on such a dream as 'black'
unless you were thinking about mankind . Black is black I want my
love back............ plese not black for me please sir I ask you

I like the hurt, Pain is agony. Pain me.

Dave

[Suzanne]

Hey, Wabbit,

Some nice ideas of images but the structure is a bit cumbersome, I think. The caps and the short lines hinder the flow. This is my opinion.
I would like to see it again, I like trains.

Suzanne

[Lovely]

Love the theme man.

Wow! You are going somewhere perhaps into space and other created universes;
your place. Went down to the crossroads man. Rumble into black man.
Tumble me tumble you


Thank you

[Annwn]

love the vision style...
structure's fine...cumbersome...what

i like the almost haphazard nature of it...
dry humour of it..
and most of all the penned on the run nature of it

the pine box awaits...get it out......louis

[Annwn]

oh and i like the title...i remember coal dust
stations stinking of it...covered with it...

[brianedwards]

Some nice word play wabbit. Shades of Kerouac.

B.