Teenage Wasteland

[rantingpete]

Teenage Wasteland

Welcome to the bomb-site
The post-war council tip
Headless dolls on toilet rolls
The contents of your skip

Where Rubik’s cubes and old L.P’s
Are thrown on top of tyres
Remnants from the Seventies
Are stuffed in deep fat fryers

Punctured footballs, spineless books
And lids without their pots
Wilting flowers, frameless bikes
On dead forget-me-nots

Scented, flavoured, burned-down candles
That once stood on your ledge
Can’t compete with shit and piss
And rotting eggs and veg

A box of Kellogg’s cornflakes
Cans of Heinz baked beans
Cartons full of semi-skimmed
And a pair of Levi jeans

Amongst the rusty nails and toys
Where urban children play
An inner-city beauty spot
A garden in decay

The soiled diapers, sanitary towels
And un-recycled tins
Where half-smoked stubbed-out cigarettes
Are emptied from your bins

Discarded condoms hang like fruit
Dripping seed like sand
From lifeless, rotting English oaks
On our green and pleasant land

[brianedwards]

I quite like this Pete. Goes on a bit long though. You could probably cut S4 and 5 at no great loss. Not sure where the Teenage of the title comes in, nor why there are diapers appearing in an otherwise Very English Poem.

Enjoyable little romp through the dump though.

B.

[Meesha]

Love the title: which I read as teen age (adolescent) wasteland. And while I agree it's over written a little, I'd moreso like to see more pungent puns and turns of phase which attack both the young and the old fashions being relayed here. But than again grumpy old men and frumpy old women will enjoy it as it LOL


Remnants of the Seventies
As phat as fat deep fryers

Your accent and meter wavers, imo, but I'm thinking them more meant than misadventures.


enjoyed

M

[Mr Black]

?

[Nash]

Hello Pete, nice fun one to read.

It has a good 4-3-4-3 rythm throughout that keeps it rolling along nicely. It hiccups a bit on the first line of the last but one verse, maybe 'Soiled nappies, sanitary towels' instead would improve it? (more English too, as Brian points out).

I'm not too sure about used condoms 'dripping seed like sand' though, sand doesn't sound like the right word to describe this which makes me think that you were just looking for a rhyme for land.

Enjoyed it though.

[rantingpete]

Thanks guys.

Yes, I agree the rhythm does waver slightly here and there. I originally posted this on an 'American' forum which is why I used 'diapers' instead of 'nappies' so I should have changed that.

'Teenage Wasteland' is a line from the Who song 'Baba O'Reilly'. I grew up in Brixton. Our flat was built next to a bomb-site left over from World War 2 and that's where we played as kids - hence the title. They still exist, unfortunately!

Cheers

Pete

[rantingpete]

Thanks guys.

Yes, I agree the rhythm does waver slightly here and there. I originally posted this on an 'American' forum which is why I used 'diapers' instead of 'nappies' so I should have changed that.

'Teenage Wasteland' is a line from the Who song 'Baba O'Reilly'. I grew up in Brixton. Our flat was built next to a bomb-site left over from World War 2 and that's where we played as kids - hence the title. They still exist, unfortunately!

Cheers

Pete

[KevJ]

I really like this. The scene you describe leaves a very strong image in my mind. As the product of council estate myself I can recall vividly running round wasteland playgrounds very much like this as a kid. Not bomb sites but not far off.

[David]

'Teenage Wasteland' is a line from the Who song 'Baba O'Reilly'.

Yes, I noticed that. A great song - they still open their set with it, or they did when I saw them a couple of years ago - but that bugger Jerry Bruckheimer has bought it for one of his daft CSI programmes. To be honest, I suppose, he couldn't have bought it if it wasn't for sale. Hope I die before I get sold, indeed.

Anyway, it's a nice piece, Pete. Could easily be bellowed by the singer of whoever your favourite punk combo is.

I'd agree with Nash about the condoms image, and I think the "green and pleasant land" has been (figuratively) done to death now - nobody ever uses it except in an "ironic" sense anyway.

But good stuff.

Cheers

David

[John G]

Don't really think I can add much more but I would possible look at changing the title - the poem doesn't appear as though its relating to only teenagers but if you just called it Wasteland or The Wasteland then TS Eliot would spring to mind.

I like lists and this aspect of the poem really appeals to me

Punctured footballs, spineless books
And lids without their pots
Wilting flowers, frameless bikes
On dead forget-me-nots

But maybe it goes on for a stanzs or too long?

Anyways – like I said I don’t think I can offer anything new other then I did enjoy the read.

[ray miller]

John Cooper Clarke fan, by any chance? Very Beasley Street. Enjoyed it.
Scented, flavoured, burned-down candles - you could lose burned-out, I should think.

[rantingpete]

Cheers guys.

David - agree about the overuse of 'green and pleasant land' but as you say, it's acceptable as an ironic statement which was my intention. Hopefully that has come through in the poem.

Ray - Again agree with the loss of 'burned-down' or even 'flavoured'. The 8 syllables spoils the flow but sounded better than 6 in my head. The word 'candles' didn't help being 2 syllables. The flow works better with the last word being a 1 syllable word - I'm ranting.... hehe
I don't mind John Cooper Clarke but haven't heard a great deal. He did inspire one of my poems called 'The Cab Queue'. Billy Childish appeals more...

John - Cheers mate. I chose the title because the 'bomb-site' was where I grew up and played as a kid. I like the verse you quoted to.

Kev - cheers mate, I'm glad you liked it.