Everyone of us,
so they say,
is the stuff of stars.
The sum of atoms
too numerous
to comprehend.
Every particle
tenacious and
indestructible,
disassembles
when we die.
To recombine
as some part
of a new form.
A tree,
a butterfly,
or a new
human being!
Everyone of us,
perhaps, containing,
a billion atoms
that once was
Beethoven or
Shakespeare!
Reincarnation
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Arian
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A billion? Try (for an average person) 10,000 trillion trillion! That’s 10 million trillion times more than a billion. Put another way, it’s more than there are (estimated) stars in the universe!
With the exception, of course, of Twiggy, who only had 12.
Anyway, I quite like the idea behind this, Kev, even though the message is perhaps a trifle worn. There’s nothing wrong with that though – lots (most?) poems follow well-trodden paths in terms of theme. You just need to make it more “poetic” in my view, with stronger imagery, fresher language. Perhaps the very scale of our atomic make-up, compared with everyday experience, might act as inspiration for that.
Cheers
peter
With the exception, of course, of Twiggy, who only had 12.
Anyway, I quite like the idea behind this, Kev, even though the message is perhaps a trifle worn. There’s nothing wrong with that though – lots (most?) poems follow well-trodden paths in terms of theme. You just need to make it more “poetic” in my view, with stronger imagery, fresher language. Perhaps the very scale of our atomic make-up, compared with everyday experience, might act as inspiration for that.
Cheers
peter
We've been here before, Kev. For reference:
HAMLET
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a
king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.
KING CLAUDIUS
What dost thou mean by this?
HAMLET
Nothing but to show you how a king may go a
progress through the guts of a beggar.
So, if great minds think alike, give yourself extra credits.
HAMLET
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a
king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.
KING CLAUDIUS
What dost thou mean by this?
HAMLET
Nothing but to show you how a king may go a
progress through the guts of a beggar.
So, if great minds think alike, give yourself extra credits.
Hi there...
Already a few pointers to improvement, but I must say the first half reads really well for me. Stanza 2 in particular is a veritable soup of beauty to be read aloud - a somewhat techno sentiment, but whirling with resonance, sibilance and plosives. This, I do love in poetry. An exercise for the lips and ears as well as for the intellect and heart.
Cheers there.
Already a few pointers to improvement, but I must say the first half reads really well for me. Stanza 2 in particular is a veritable soup of beauty to be read aloud - a somewhat techno sentiment, but whirling with resonance, sibilance and plosives. This, I do love in poetry. An exercise for the lips and ears as well as for the intellect and heart.
Cheers there.
Ok, feel bad now. Read S2 aloud again and does feel nice, not sure about a soup of beauty, but certainly a decent cuppa.
Still not convinced by S3 and S4.
Weirdly I was just recommended Transformations by Hardy on a different thread, would suggest the same to you, fabulous stuff.
Nicky B.
Still not convinced by S3 and S4.
Weirdly I was just recommended Transformations by Hardy on a different thread, would suggest the same to you, fabulous stuff.
Nicky B.
Many thanks to all of you for your thoughts. This one is the result of reading Bill Bryson's Short history of nearly everything. Just thought the idea that we we might all share the atoms of historic figures like this quite amazing. 
I am not a number ... I am a FREE man!