Poetry Forum

Take melting snowmen,
failing to haemorrhage
milky clots on grass.

Take public porcelain,
alabaster bowls; pallid
as yesterday's lunch.

Take empty pages painted
with swan and lamb and cotton.
Take a bride.


- Neil

Hi there...

I like this, definitely a 'contemplator'. A good title/content combo.
I'm not sure I fully get the snowman - and maybe just me, but I can't hear 'grass' without thinking vividly green and adds an unwanted (by me, I stress) hue to the scene.

Thanks, RC.

I've made a slight tweak to hopefully aid understanding.

Kind Regards,

Love this one Neil. It does sound interesting and is very cleverly written. Like the idea of empty pages painted with swans, lamb and cotton. Wow.

Neil,

Hello to you. So very creative you are! I have such envy. I have been a snowman maker and observer my whole life and you have brought new ideas to the whole process. Your first stanza is very original, I am sure i have not heard of snowman's milk clots before. It is a bit unsettling, the idea..but what a fresh spin on a common image. Well done for that.

The poem overall, I am not sure what it means. The title doesn't seem to shed light on it for me.

I am guessing it has to do with the snowman not retaining his white, the bowls being rather dirty.... the canvas getting used.... and the bride not so pure as she appears? If that is the story line, I would suggest a few more words in the last section to evoke or share an emotional response. .. or something to strengthen your message.

Right now, I see the images but am not sure where you are leading me. Of course, if putting the cards on the table was the goal... lol, I would sill strengthen the bride element.

Why can there be no white? It doesn't exist? but snow is white and the bowl is white and the bride does have white on....


Nice to see you, nar.
Suzanne

Like Suzanne I'm not sure I understand the story here but I do like the images employed. shows a strong imagination I think.

I think I get this, Neil. It seems a bit of a veiled(!) insult against the bride, though!

Ros

Thanks, everyone.

Aru: Glad you liked the blank-page paintings

Suz: You're not sure what the poem means? To me or to you? There's not much going on really. Just exploring the idea that white might not really exist. It's all just very pale shades of grey. Snow isn't white - it's made of water which isn't white. A public toilet bowl may look white, but would you eat your lunch from it? When the artist paints lambs or swans they don't just use white paint or leave the canvas blank (assuming the blank canvas is white).

Kev: Cheers, see comments to Suz above. There's not really a narrative to get here, just a few ideas about whiteness

Ros: Thanks for nipping by. The bride line wasn't meant as an insult, but I understand that reading of it. I intended it with a more ironic twist. It could also be read that whiteness is an ideal of perfection that doesn't really exist, so any lack of 'whiteness' in the bride should not be judged.

Cheers,

- Neil

Hi Neil,

I think the premise is very good, and I like the images very much. I enjoyed you explanation as well, it gave even more insight.

I think it is the title, which implies there is white but it can not "be had( perhaps by a force which could provide it.)

Your explanation seems to be saying white is just an illusion, so the title something like There Is No White might better reflect that?

Just one opinion in a sea of many.
Suzanne

nar wrote:Take melting snowmen,
failing to haemorrhage
milky clots on grass.

But I thought thas what they were doing - haemorrhaging milky clots on grass?

I like the rhythm, the swing of your last verse a lot, and it's a very neat ending.

Cheers

David

there can be no white no black
to fill the soul no dirge to sing
for those that find their end like a beginning
bawling at the cause life
found before they knew the face of those that give
them reason and a season for the time they are
the day they are still passed on lightly.