Poetry Forum

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Love the humour in the first two strophes. I'm a bit thick in understanding as to why there should be "seventy two" virgins, pardon me. Smiles.

arunansu wrote: why there should be "seventy two" virgins, pardon me. Smiles.

I think, aru, it's the number of virgins that Islam promises awaits martyrs in paradise.

I quite like this MrB. A good idea, with a nicely dark humour to it. The stream-of-cosnciousness approach is well executed.

I presume that, in saying "the bloody thing doesn't work" the N is referring to the bomb device, not the promise of virgins (which I thought he meant at first). After all, he's not dead yet, so the promise may still be true.

Interesting.
Cheers
peter

Mr. Black

Thank you for sharing. Made me laugh, you maneged to turn such a grim subject into humor.
I still think the whole first stanza can be scratched off and rewritten.
Your poem becomes alive from S2.
Good job.
Nino

Good to meet you mr. b

Enjoyed this - humorously dark. Maybe italicise Bus replacement service so that it's more obviously the sign.

Cheers

Elph

Hmmm! There are times when ask myself is what I'm reading a poem or just witty lines.
I think the later here.

Check your line sequence as they don't logically follow to me.

M

S1 and S3 are my favourites. I think S2 needs a bit more oomph.

Cheers

David

Thanks everyone. I thought I'd try my hand at writing some haikus. Whilst they share the same theme they are separate pieces. I tried writing about waterfalls and birds but it didn't come out that way. Just a bit of fun.

But these are Senryū, MB, as they contain humanistic elements. Btw, S3, L1, has 6 sylls.

Maybe you should throw those virgins into a volcano where they belong LOL

the bloody things do not work
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

M

Meesha wrote:Btw, S3, L1, has 6 sylls.

And?

Enjoyed these too Mr B. Agree with David that 2 is the weakest.

B.

Enjoyed this a lot,especially the ending. I don't think you need "sign" at all and I expect you could come up with a better title.

Thanks for the heads up Meesha.