Poetry Forum

The piece is inspired by another author whom, due to the inhospitable egotism of another American based site, seems above workshopping ideas.



I survive in suburban Shiloh,
shop the local Safeway to
eat offal because it’s tinpot
and soft on old root canals.

Some days prior I flew across
to China, to ancient Hohhot, too,
met new moguls, ate egg noodles
and sipped tepid teas beneath talons

after purchasing a bureau,
bluegrass prayer beads, along
with chained nunchuckers,
from Ikea in South Korea
at cost, of course.

Now if that weren't whistling
Dixie, surely nothing is.

S3 edited

3

I survive in suburban Shiloh,
shop at the local Safeway and
eat offal because it’s tinpot
and soft on the old root canals.

Some weeks prior I’d flew
across to China, to Beijing, to
meet new chums, eat hot apple pie
in the Square and sip tepid teas

after purchasing a bureau
and nunchucks — along
with bright blue prayer beads —
from Ikea in South Korea, at cost,

of course. Now if that weren't whistling
Dixie, surely nothing will.

2

I survive in suburban Shiloh,
shop at the local Safeway and
eat offal because it’s so cheap
and soft on old root canals.

Some weeks prior I’d flown
across to China, to Beijing, to
meet new chums, eat hot apple pie
in the Square and sip tepid teas,
after purchasing a bureau and nunchucks —
along with bright blue prayer beads —
from Ikea, at cost, of course.

Now if that weren't whistling
Dixie, surely nothing is.

orig

I survive in suburban Shiloh,
shop the local Safeway and
eat offal because it’s cheap
and soft on root canals.

Some weeks prior I’d flew
across to China, to Beijing, to
meet new chums, eat apple pie
in the Square and sip tepid teas

after purchasing a bureau
and nunchucks — along with
bright blue prayer beads —
from Ikea at cost, of course.

Now if that weren't whistling
Dixie, surely nothing will.

I love the way you don't just write the poem you tell the tale. That's very clever - nice work!

In dentures? Indentures? What's going on here, M?

I like it. The usual firework of exploding tenses - flew? that weren't? nothing will? - and nonsequiturs. Yes, I like it.

Cheers

David

Very nice, lovely use of language, left me cold asking "so what?"

Sorry

Steve

Thanks, Poppy Banks.. I adore your name, especially its phonetics btw. The bloke who inspired it was so far up himself his poem was purely drivel with a little panache... and I was threatened to be banned for merely saying so. Mind you, the site is well known for being nasty and mean and mighty unclean.

What are you really trying to say, Mr D hahahha.

And, O, the use of language isn't that good... it just suits the purpose I had in mind at the time.
And twenty bucks says I get banned when I publish it there as the Yanks have very thin skin?

M

PS: there's no copy right infringement within or about it whatsoever either btw

M/ ?!?

CB

p.s. this is not a reply - but will come back soon to leave comment

You're creating a nice atmosphere here, M, though I'm not quite sure of the point you're making about the narrator. I know you have a habit of falling out with poetry sites, but I don't see how this could cause offence. Rather puzzled by offal being tinpot, also.

Ros

I have been trying to work out the references, Mongols and could be a civil war battle or a place, but love the irrelevant mixed in with the surreal and interesting. Could you change the last word last line back to is - reminds me of Johnny Depp in once upon a time in Mexico - I have been watching too many films. I will have to go now and see if i can find Mr D and the source of the puzzle, where no doubt there is a lion, a wardrobe, probably a yellow brick road and someone playing chess and the last of the C de Bergerac fighting against the bland, the hypocrite, the stupid and getting banned into the process. CB

p.s.

Not sure but I did find a Mr D and I think I would prefer to be banned than locked.

Tenujin, Genghis Kahn, got his name after being discovered to be clenching a blood clot from his mothers womb at birth. In ancient Hohhot there's a monument ( White tusks or talons with gold tips) in his honour...see Wiki.

C, don't worry about those wankers. Howard's a lame duck, in more ways than one, and the rest of those headless plebs can't write for shit let alone own a poetic (or any other type for that matter) personality. Tis why I did this one as such as it's a US based site ... they'd be furious. OH, and I got locked out too as they reckon I own some crits (BS)... but then as ninety nine percent of the kindergarden 'Word 101' drivel there just ain't worth a breathe, let alone a stressed synapse, F-EM lol

Ros,
I can't be anything but me... full stop. So it's always them, not I, who starts the blood flowing. I've never thrown the first punch in my life. And dearest Claire's recent ill treatment there is prime a example as to why I get so pissed off. Btw, I never hold a grudge... I simply get even and walk away. Tinpot = cheap.

Now shut-up and just write, you lot

M

Your wish is granted, C.

well it is original, bold as brass, and i love the repeat patterns; the prosody is great and its nice and complex. lorraine

Well, if you're talking pffa, then I'm entirely on your side (for once!).

Many other good US sites out there, however.

You're just trying being nice to me because C got banned first is all roflmao
Now I'll simply use bluegrass prayer beads to explain how I feel about MOST U.S. based write sites.

Meesha wrote:You're just trying being nice to me because C got banned first is all roflmao
Now I'll simply use bluegrass prayer beads to explain how I feel about MOST U.S. based write sites.

huh? I have no idea about anyone else being banned anywhere.
prayer beads? Sorry, again I have no idea what you mean... you must have been on some bad sites. I know a number and they're generally fine. The occasional awkward poster, of course, but haven't we all got those?

Hahahahaha... I was expecting that, you. But then it's always been your peculiar wit, spunk and talent which has drawn me like a moth to this site. Now write me something fabulously clever, like you did way back when, so we can get back to arguing like feral felines all over again.

You mean back when you went by the name of Jasper?

'A writer is someone who secretly believes that the world will end not with fire or ice but with the letter “J.”'