Poetry Forum

I’ll wear pink trousers and frilly dangly things
for you, I would
juggle custard just to make you laugh.
I’d even change my name to Jacques
or Vladimir, if required
then drink Russian vodka from a reconditioned tyre
for the chance that one day you might dance
with me, as I croon
and turn into a bald Ramone.

Baby, I love you.

We might decide to samba
Ay Caramba!
What a sight, as I apologise
for stepping on your feet
that dangle shoes that provoke
on sandy toes
and trip towards the boozy fug
of smoke-filled cellar clubs
where we will drink absinthe
and give a toast to Paris
Chopper Harris
and the dark world of jazz.
Then we’ll talk in pidgin French
and wouldn’t give a damn who heard
our lame attempts to procure another drink
and say – Monsieur, une autre biere sil vous plait.

Pas de probleme, Monsieur Shadwell
et Gabba Gabba Hey!

baby i love you

that is an ceremonial trough, where you drown;

you have some rhyme in there which seem a little forced;

give the poem more emotion,combination between you and the love

Hello Shadwell, welcome to the forum.

This is a very confident first post, I like it very much, it's a joy to read.

There's just one very minor point though, I think that "give a damn" would read better, sonically, than "give a toss". Like I say, very minor, but it's all in the detail isn't it.

Look forward to reading more from you.

All the best,
Nash.

Joey Ramone?

Yes, a very nice first poem to post.

Re: The 'toss' bit... I like the colloquialism there, and so stand on the fence between 'toss' and 'damn'

Keep it up.

Yep, very good. You're not Oskar in disguise, are you? This is very like him, and that's a compliment.

Cheers

David

David wrote:Yep, very good. You're not Oskar in disguise, are you? This is very like him, and that's a compliment.

I have to agree with that!

Welcome, Mr Shadwell.

You have some good internal rhymes going on.

Nothing to find fault with - the French doesn't seem particularly unintelligible, though.

Geoff
pigeon = pidgin?

Hello Monsieur Shadwell,

This is full of fun, though there's some language I don't know I can still feel the mood, atmosphere.

Cheers,

Lake

Rumbled! And so soon into the game.

gavin wrote:give the poem more emotion,combination between you and the love

Thanks, Gavin. I'll try but can't promise anything.

Apologies for the minor deception, Nash. I'd have posted this as Oskar, if I could, but I'm 'Forbidden' from doing so.
I don't really fancy being Oskar 2/The Sequel/The Return/Strikes Back/This Time it's Personal, so thought I'd try something different until I can simply be Oskar again. Unfortunately the change of name didn't result in a change of style or content! I'll do as you suggested and swap 'toss' for 'damn'. Seems like a good idea to me. Thanks.

I appreciate your comment, BlueMoon. It's a close run thing between 'toss' and 'damn'. I share your ambivalence.

David wrote:You're not Oskar in disguise, are you? This is very like him

Let me guess, it was having Joey Ramone and 'Chopper' Harris in the same poem that blew my cover!

twoleftfeet wrote:the French doesn't seem particularly unintelligible, though

You haven't heard me try to pronounce it!

You're right about pidgin. I will amend. Cheers, Geoff.

Hello Mademoiselle Lake
Thank you for your kind comment. Glad you liked it.

Cheers all

Oskar

shadwell smith wrote:Let me guess, it was having Joey Ramone and 'Chopper' Harris in the same poem that blew my cover!

That and juggling custard.

shadwell smith wrote: I'd have posted this as Oskar, if I could, but I'm 'Forbidden' from doing so.

Why? What has occurred?

Nicola has been working very hard to resolve the situation, but everything that has been tried so far has failed. I can post comments on the work of others in both Experienced and Beginners, but I can't post a poem in either forum. Strange but true.

Ah. That will be our new quality control software. Good, isn't it?

David wrote:Ah. That will be our new quality control software. Good, isn't it?

OUCH!!!! I felt that, even at second-hand!

That hurt. That really hurt.

OK. OK. I take it back. Of course I didn't mean it! Quite funny, though, wasn't it?

Don't worry David. I'm not that fragile. And yes, it was funny.

Now where did I put that wax doll and bag of pins?

Oskar

.....Man alive, it's getting confusing around here!

shadwell smith wrote:Don't worry David. I'm not that fragile. And yes, it was funny.

Now where did I put that wax doll and bag of pins?

Oskar

You can stick a needle in my sock-puppet if you like..
While you're there, would you mind mending the hole in the toe, please?

Why waste valuable needlecraft time on a mere sock when you could be doing this instead! -

http://crappytaxidermy.com/

shadwell smith wrote:Why waste valuable needlecraft time on a mere sock when you could be doing this instead! -

http://crappytaxidermy.com/

That is GROSS!!!

Bravo Oskar. Fabulous poem.

B.

Thanks for the approval, Brian. That'll do very nicely.

Cheers

whats osker and the brain trying to say

i'm all at sea