Poetry Forum

Lucky

Paper
I'm impressed by its practicality
Its rough green
Ripping itself
Clean
Into a bin
I'm nothing underneath -
Naked as a kidney-bowl.
Prune
Parchment stretched on my hand
Like the skin-film of immunisation.
Bloated water birth
Be careful
When you puncture it.

Pin -

One tap froze
Stopped dead in my robe.
The pipe won't burst -
Exiting apparitions appear
In my throat.

Anaesthesia -
I remember something similar...

12 stone of school boy
Pulling down -
Like I'm Lucky
And he's pozzled,
When everything drops.
I buckle and crash into
Flickering static
That's swirling,
Crushing my retina,
Circling like a thousand
Tiny kites,
Tiny hearts beating, with delay
Increasing in a deep hall
Between two temples.
It's my own heart pounding
Slowing
Like sand on a sideways
Speaker
Getting quieter.
The jumps are getting smaller.
Resting softly now
Good night.

Cooper, there are some good images tucked into this. The last verse is really quite compelling. The difficulty I'm having is finding the relevance of some verses in respect of others, which overall gives me an impression that the author is not taking me where I need to be if I'm to fully appreciate the content.
Don't get me wrong there are a lot areas I enjoyed reading, but I found myself think well, what was that all about?

all the best

Danté

Cheers Dante... I feared that was the problem with this one.. It's a case of the writer understanding what it's about and not the reader! The poem is basically about 'going under' in a hospital environment, and the similarities I felt it had with suffocation, with lots of ridiculous images in between to try and get it across! I know what's going on.. honest.. oh.. Thanks for your thoughts, I've been wrestling with this poem in different forms for some time..