she

[gavin]

Pearly half-toned feeling
her food the colour of light.
With-in the clever mechanism of imitation
expressing her-self, scorching from smoky shadows,
I rode into to-morrow on her lips,
I cannot imagine or dream of her sensuality;
Or petition her to be Isis the goddess of life
my words are but mingled ignorance,
A wind –instrument left in the corner;
With my healthiest tools I carve a totem to her beauty.

[Suzanne]

Hi Gavin,

As always, some original and very lovely phrases. Nice to see you.
Off to work, I'll come back later and say more.
Suzanne

[EatMyPoetry]

I really like the first half, especially "I rode into to-morrow on her lips" which is a fantastic line.

The second half loses me a bit but I think that's because of line six: "I cannot imagine or dream of her sensuality." I think it just verges on the edge of a cliche whereas the rest is completely original and thought-provoking.

[Suzanne]

Hi gavin,

I liked these lines the best:

Or petition her to be Isis the goddess of life
my words are but mingled ignorance,
A wind –instrument left in the corner;

I think that your imagery is so imaginative and enjoyable.
Suzanne

[Mic]

I rode into to-morrow on her lips,

That's a fantastic line Gavin.

Have you come across Billy Childish?

http://www.billychildish.com/home.html

Mic

[Mic]

(I've just noticed that E-M-P also describes that line as a fantastic line!)

[Mercurygirl]

Pearly half-toned feeling
her food the colour of light.
With-in the clever mechanism of imitation

This is my favourite part! Very nice.

[gavin]

This is about two women came up to me,
While I was on the bad manners,
the indulgence of vanity and pleasure
Can over me. We went back to my place.

Their odours fanned from the wind coming from the adjacent river
i rode exquisite beauty upon threshold to threshold
the tranquil endurance subdued my melancholy
one can be distracted by doudts and fears, but it was their wispers;
so i lay my offerings at their feet,

thank mercurygirl, beautiful mic, girly suzanne, and eat me,
it is nice that you all took the tour with me;

people like yourselves like to read about emblems to the heart.

thank you very much.

[RichardSanders]

Hi Gavin,

Very nice.
If any crit at all, I didn't feel the flow was constant throughout.
Could just be me though.
as said, very nice.

Kindest,
Richard.