Poetry Forum

Here I stand on the cliff edge
lantern in hand, braced
against nature's screaming rage.
My light to guide a ship
home, to where the waters are warm
and still.
But there are no ships in sight.
Just a lantern lined cliff of a billion souls braced
against nature's screaming rage.
Each waiting for a ship that can never come.

Hi ifonly,

I think you have a little gem here.
The first three lines gave me a verry visual experience.
In my visual experience, the initial sollitude of the single latern on the cliff, and it's importance was essential to the impact it had on me.
I was therefore disappointed by the last three lines.
I think I'd lose them if I where you.

Hope it helps,

Kindest,
Richard.

Thank you Richard,
The last lines are simply trying to highlight that while we think we are alone there is a world full of similar people. I.e. we are not alone in being alone.

But the overall meaning for me (I emphasise for me) is unrequited love. And the difficulties and waste of life it causes. And that I am not alone in feeling that way.

I agree with Richard about the imagery, but I love the last three lines. They were a pleasant surprise to this reader. It immediately took me to visions of the American adventists of the 1840's standing on their rooftops in white robes, waiting for the second coming of Christ. Any shared futile exercise would fit. While I'm on a religious rant, the title could be a reference to Martin Luther and the beginnings of protestantism.

Nice one

I like it, though some bits sound a little verbose to me. Below, I've chopped the extra words out and have emphasized the formal structure by tweaking a few words

Here I stand on this rocky height,
lantern in hand, braced
against nature's screaming rage.
My light to guide a ship home.

But there are no ships in sight.
Just a cliff with a billion lanterns braced
against nature's screaming rage,
each waiting for a ship that can never come.

Thanks everyone for the positive feedback. I feel this is the best thing I have written to date. First poem that was written for the sake of writing a poem rather than just as a reaction to express how I feel.