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Humor In Life
Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:34 pm
by LunarTree
I heard a rumor,
about my humor;
Some say its quite extreme.
And yes i do laugh,
and no i don't dance;
At things that make some squirm.
But what they don't see,
is what i truly believe;
To laugh or cry are our option's.
So while you cry,
sob and moan;
Watch me laugh hysterically.
And then just think,
wouldn't you like to be me;
A man who finds humor in life.
I want to thank everyone who has helped with this (exceplly the spelling, grammer etc) possibly the best welcome to any forum i have ever joined THANK YOU
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:28 pm
by Arian
Always good to see a new member, so welcome.
I quite like the first stanza of this, though I think it's a bit of an Aunt Sally.
Be good to see a version which had the literals ironed out of it (that is, correctly puntuated, spelled etc).
Cheers
peter
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:48 pm
by RichardSanders
For some reason I stumbled on the first stanza and read:
I heard a rumor
About my humor
Some say it's like a tumor.
lol.
Sorry for this useless feedback.
I'll try to forget my misread and come back later with some usefull feedback.
Kindest,
Richard
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:51 pm
by LunarTree
Thank you for the feed back means a lot. Tumor killed me very funny now i have it in my head haha
Sadly on the spelling and puncuation side of things i am a bit Dyslex (i dont even know is thats spelt right
) but will see if i can pick out any thing obvious.
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:18 pm
by RichardSanders
To help you along with the spelling and punctuation. (note: this is how I read it. That's not nescessarily the right or only way.)
I heard a rumor
about my humor;
Some say it's quite extreme.
And yes, I do laugh;
and no, I don't dance;
at things that make some squirm.
But what they don't see,
is what I truly believe;
To laugh or cry are our options.
So while you cry,
sob and moan;
Watch me laugh hysterically.
And then just think,
wouldn't you like to be me;
A man who finds humor in life.
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:19 pm
by Thoth
Hehe
This is whacky! It started like a limerick I heard somewhere which went something like:
There once was a rumor of animal humor,
considered by some quite extreme.
We all had a laugh at a crazy giraffe
who sat in tub of ice scream.
(But I admit I ad-libbed a bit)
My I suggest dropping the capital at each line start and please use a capital “I”
“its” should be “it’s”
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 5:38 pm
by Lake
Hi LunarTree,
Are you the laurel in the moon? A light-hearted read indeed.
I agree with others about capital letters, apostrophes, etc. But if you say you are Dyslex, that's really a big challenge.
Nice to see you,
Lake
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:32 am
by LunarTree
Right i think i have changed the spelling / grammer correctly, i think with time once i have written a few of these i will get the hang of it.
THANK YOU all soooo much for your help and feedback much appricated.
Cheers
Tom
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:40 am
by Alucinary
Tom,
Don't be put off - I'm a fellow dyslexic
(though there are differing severities and levels of subconsious coping strategies and I know it can be pretty challenging / frustrating at times).
I was very amused when I read the comment from Thoth our South African friend as I had initially misread squirm as scream myself so perhaps I have too heard the animal limerick previously!?
I would suggest changing S3 so that it reads:
But what they don't see,
I truly believe;
To laugh or cry are our options.
and I think I would lose the last stanza entirely myself...
It was certainly a fun poem to read
Alucinary.
Re: Humor In Life
Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:19 pm
by EatMyPoetry
I LOVE the subject - a great outlook on life to have.
I'm struggling to pick up a rhythm unfortunately, maybe it's there and I'm not reading it properly
All in all I like my poetry a bit more vague and cryptic but that's just a personal preference. As a straight-to-the-point poem this was enjoyable to read