Bread

[Macavity]

..

[Ron63]

This seems like an interesting experimental piece based on a daily diary on the theme of food. As part of my writing I enjoy creating something a little different from the norm and yours, as far as I'm concerned, comes under that categorie, which is refreshing. Just one crit though, and this in only my personal feeling, using 'blood red sauce' is stating 'red' twice. We know blood is red, so why use 'blood' when 'red' is used. Maybe something simple like 'red sauce' will suffice or perhaps 'blood coloured sauce'. Just my two cents worth. Excellent poem with a difference.

[Macavity]

Thanks Ron. Appreciate the nudge on 'blood'. Duly edited.

cheers

Mac

[the stranger]

Mac, it's the mundaneness that appeals to me. I think though it's in need of a certain structure.

I mention these aspects because I wrote one in a very similar vain many moons ago, and the Haiku structure worked well, and you're not far from it anyway!

See: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=348&hilit=Monthly+Haikus#p1014

The egg and chips one certainly made me smile - See June.

Just a thought, but may be worth persevering with?

Cheers
Kris

[Macavity]

it's the mundaneness that appeals to me. I think though it's in need of a certain structure.

Thanks for the pointer and link Kris, which I enjoyed revisiting. 'mundaneness' has made my day!

cheers

mac

[LunarTree]

Hey
I love a good poem that's slightly quirky, good work really enjoyed the read

Tom

[Macavity]

Thank you Tom. It wasn't intentionally quirky, but some have found it so. The daily theme of bread was intended to convey an image of poverty.

cheers

mac

[marten]

I like this, and each day was curious to find out what was to be on the menu. Until I got to "butties" - what the hell is that? Probably something English - it sounds good enough though. I like the concept, but I didn't get the image of poverty.

[Macavity]

I like this, and each day was curious to find out what was to be on the menu. Until I got to "butties" - what the hell is that? Probably something English - it sounds good enough though. I like the concept, but I didn't get the image of poverty.

Thanks Marten. Bread was a cheap filler for empty stomachs.

The word butty is a contraction of "bread and butter" that came from northern England, perhaps Yorkshire or Liverpool.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chip_butty

Its origin is aristocratic:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-18010424


mac