Canoe

[Macavity]

I share a pot of camomile with you
and chat about suicide, a healthy diet,
a poet that died a lunatic. Your scone,
and teasing smile, are sweet with cherry jam.

Between the blushing sea and burning sky,
beyond the words rattling in empty spaces,
a canoe glides with natural ease. Its blades
are rippling whispers only I have heard.

[Tim Love]

The constrast between the intimacy of stanza 1 and detachment of stanza 2 (where 'you' disappears, replaced by words and the world) is striking. What first came to my mind (oddly) was the Big Five personality theory - Canoe, ocean, and even "scone, and teasing". "rippling whispers" integrates water and air (or emotion and words?) with a natural ease - that 'you' lacks?

[Suzanne]

Mac,

I like the gentle imagery. This is very pleasing on many level.
For reasons I can't pinpoint, i get a strong sense of color- much like a watercolor painting with skewed lines and hinted at horizons.

I love the cherry jam and the rattling empty spaces.

Very much enjoyed.
Suzanne

[KevJ]

Hi Mac

This is a little gem. Very much enjoyed by me. Love the idea of the blushing sea

[Antcliff]

Hi Mac,
"blades rippling whispers" is nice.
Seth

[bunnywabbit]

I like how you juxtaposed some phrases, particularly health (life) and death which is self explanatory but also the blushing sea that adds a serene quality of tranquillity along with the burning sky conveying a sense of calamity or a cosmic cataclysm of some kind perhaps. I wouldn't call the imagery gentle, though the contrast certainly brings out a lot of colour and makes it distinctly picturesque. The "rippling whispers" caused by the blades gives good sense of interaction between nature and man-made tools while combined with "the words rattling in empty spaces" totals a hauntingly echoing feel towards the end. The second stanza is totally worth stealing hehe but very engrossing poem overall too in my humble opinion.

[marten]

Much to like in this one:

Your scone,
and teasing smile, are sweet with cherry jam.

the words rattling in empty spaces

Good stuff.

Marten

[Macavity]

Apologies for my late response Tim, Suzanne, Kev, Seth, bw and Marten . I've been enjoying Italian sunshine...and food...life away from cyberspace

Pleased this worked for you.

Now to catch up with my pg reading!

cheers

mac