Poetry Forum

I share a pot of camomile with you
and chat about suicide, a healthy diet,
a poet that died a lunatic. Your scone,
and teasing smile, are sweet with cherry jam.

Between the blushing sea and burning sky,
beyond the words rattling in empty spaces,
a canoe glides with natural ease. Its blades
are rippling whispers only I have heard.

The constrast between the intimacy of stanza 1 and detachment of stanza 2 (where 'you' disappears, replaced by words and the world) is striking. What first came to my mind (oddly) was the Big Five personality theory - Canoe, ocean, and even "scone, and teasing". "rippling whispers" integrates water and air (or emotion and words?) with a natural ease - that 'you' lacks?

Mac,

I like the gentle imagery. This is very pleasing on many level.
For reasons I can't pinpoint, i get a strong sense of color- much like a watercolor painting with skewed lines and hinted at horizons.

I love the cherry jam and the rattling empty spaces.

Very much enjoyed.
Suzanne

Hi Mac

This is a little gem. Very much enjoyed by me. Love the idea of the blushing sea

Hi Mac,
"blades rippling whispers" is nice.
Seth

I like how you juxtaposed some phrases, particularly health (life) and death which is self explanatory but also the blushing sea that adds a serene quality of tranquillity along with the burning sky conveying a sense of calamity or a cosmic cataclysm of some kind perhaps. I wouldn't call the imagery gentle, though the contrast certainly brings out a lot of colour and makes it distinctly picturesque. The "rippling whispers" caused by the blades gives good sense of interaction between nature and man-made tools while combined with "the words rattling in empty spaces" totals a hauntingly echoing feel towards the end. The second stanza is totally worth stealing hehe but very engrossing poem overall too in my humble opinion.

Much to like in this one:

Your scone,
and teasing smile, are sweet with cherry jam.

the words rattling in empty spaces

Good stuff.

Marten

Apologies for my late response Tim, Suzanne, Kev, Seth, bw and Marten . I've been enjoying Italian sunshine...and food...life away from cyberspace

Pleased this worked for you.

Now to catch up with my pg reading!

cheers

mac