Poetry Forum

A very simple lyric about blood, sweat and tears.


Blood coursing through
my veins...my veins
My nerves are hardwired
in hard kinda ways
I go out and get soaked
with the rain...in the rain
With a can of coke and
a soggy smoke and
blood in my veins

How do I feel today
How do I feel this way

Tears running from
your eyes...your eyes
As you sang on key with
the melody
that made you cry
You go out and share a drink
with the sky...the sky
There was Calvados and
the Holy Ghost and
tears in your eyes

How do you feel today
How do you feel this way

(bridge)

Another... another day
blue skies hide from grey
Another... another way
to talk about the clouds so grey

How did you feel today
How did you feel this way

Sweat dripping down
my back...today
I'm drifting towards direction
trying to find a way
And so I climb up
on rusty tracks...
on the tracks
A Northwest man
with Southeast plans and
sweat on my back

How did I feel today
How did I feel this way

How do you feel today
How do you feel this way

I thought the questioning in that was a good hook and refrain. I like the variation/binding of I/you. Do you ever post the music with the lyric?

mac

Thanks Mac. Well... here is how it sounds. Haven't posted recordings or recorded in some time. But I just got a little usb mic some weeks ago for the shear sake of agonizing over what I do and don't like about the way the music sounds.

http://soundcloud.com/user942377168/hiding-from-grey

Very much enjoyed listening to it - nicely worked melody and a strong lyric. Like most lyrics, though, it doesn't work quite as well on the page. Good stuff, though.

I suppose, as a song title, it clashes a bit with the McCartney thing....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw_Jao8hMPA

Cheers
peter

Thanks for listening Peter! Glad it worked out okay. I loathe the recording process, except for the opportunity to playback and hear how it sounds - good or bad - that is different from just sitting down and playing. I agree that the title needed reworking so it was changed.

Thanks again,

Marten

marten wrote:Thanks Mac. Well... here is how it sounds. Haven't posted recordings or recorded in some time. But I just got a little usb mic some weeks ago for the shear sake of agonizing over what I do and don't like about the way the music sounds.

https://soundcloud.com/user942377168/another-day

Enjoyed the read and was really hoping to be able to listen at your link. Unfortunately my aging macintosh can't handle the sound cloud website. ho hum

Hello Marten,
just listened to Hiding from Grey (in sound) and have to say, I really enjoyed it. Just my cup of tea, one man and his guitar, and a little bit of subtle harmonica to compliment it, like having a favourite biscuit to dunk.
Nicely done.
Cheers
Robbie.

That was a treat. Really catchy guitar, didn't need the harmonica. Strangely the verses worked better than the refrain for me, which sounded strained. Particularly liked how you delivered repetitions such as the rain...in the rain. Put me in the mood for listening to some Bert Jansch.

applause

mac

Thanks for listening guys!

KevJ - sorry it didn't play in Soundcloud. This was a first experience putting anything on their site, and maybe they are not so mac-friendly. Thanks for the read!

Champion - Cheers, glad it worked out okay! Still learning how to make a cohesive track.

Mac - Thanks for the comments! I too, felt uncomfortable about the harmonica. It was kind of an after thought: adding an extra layer to flesh out the music a little; but sometimes, as in this case, it seems overdone, and in hearing the song without it, it seems better. I agree with you about the refrain. Most songs I have don't have any refrain, so this was new for me. Generally I don't care for too much refrain as it starts to become a little predictable. In most cases, I prefer the words in the verses.

Many thanks

Marten

This was a real pleasure. It's wonderful to hear the piece performed so appropriately.
As a song it works very well.
As a poem I'd reconsider use of the refrain.

I applaud you.

Richard.

Hi, Marten

As Peter says, the lyric works much better with music than on the page.

Nice guitar playing, and I enjoyed the variation that the harmonica provided.
With that in mind, I'd even be tempted to add some keyboards in
the middle and change to strumming, then switch back to solo arpeggios at the end.

Impressed
Geoff

Thanks Richard. I agree the refrain doesn't work on paper as much as if being sung, and even then, I'm not totally sold on it. I probably will record it again to work out some kinks in key,timing and delivery.

Cheers,
Marten

Cheers Geoff, thanks for listening. I think you're right on about putting in some piano/keyboard. Something subtle and in the background could work well. The harmonica was a nice addition but it was easy to have it dominate the guitar picking so I think I'm going to lower the volume on the harp track. The guitar is a pretty cheap classical and the mic is as well and I was impressed by the way they sounded.

Still playing?

Cheers,
Marten

marten wrote:Cheers Geoff, thanks for listening. I think you're right on about putting in some piano/keyboard.
Something subtle and in the background could work well. The harmonica was a nice addition but it was easy to have it dominate the guitar picking so I think I'm going to lower the volume on the harp track. The guitar is a pretty cheap classical and the mic is as well and I was impressed by the way they sounded.

Still playing?

Cheers,
Marten

I think so too, Marten.
Northern Sky is my favourite Nick Drake track - it has a simple but oh so effective organ on it.

Hi Marten,
yeh, gotta agree. Some nice guitar.

seth

Ahh...Northern Sky...so sublime!

Many thanks Seth.

Very nice. I liked listening. One guy and a guitar, the simplicity is refreshing.
You've an easy voice. Gigs in coffee shops seem like a good idea, you'd be we'll received.

Soundcloud is so handy. Thanks for reminding me. Recording is such fun.

Thanks for sharing,
Suzanne

Thank you Suzanne. Do you also record?

Cheers,
Marten

definitely liked it man, especially the Fmaj C Em part

Thanks Art! Enjoyed listening to your tunes on soundcloud - great guitarmanship!

Cheers,
Marten