Poetry Forum

Light carves the dark;
brings still life to the fore
like Michelangelo
brought David
from the block

hares solidify limb by limb
wind ruffled and limbering up.

hello David,

a little distracted by the last two lines-- limbering up to me implies loosening so I don't quite get why the hares solidify?

I think the poem is in this

Like Michelangelo brought David
from the block,light carves
hares from the dark.

hope that helps

elph

David Smedley wrote:Light carves the dark
brings still life to the fore
like Michelangelo
brought David
from the block

I think the title is enough for the image. I guess you are using 'solidify' for the transition and sculpture effect, but I think it over directs. L1 for me works because of clarity and defining the starting point. I like the notion of Michelangelo creating and the act of creating in the context of L1. I think further detail on the hares would distract from that.

cheers

mac

Elphin, thanks for that I like it. As Mac says I was hoping the "solidify" would come through like the sculpture. ....D

Mac, I can see your point with the last two lines and agree they could go.........D

Really like the idea of Michelangelo bringing David from the rock.

Just to be awkward - well, not just - I think the poem is the last two lines. Very imagistic.

Cheers

David

Kevj Thanks for yoyr read and post,,,,,D

David2, I never looked at those two lines in isolation, I like em, hahaha... thanks...D

i really like the image, i don't know why but i imagined a hare in a snow covered field with a forest in the background as the sun is rising
thanks for the read

best regards art

Art, thank you for reading, and posting a reply, happy it gave you something...David

Hi David, An interesting read short sharp and enjoyed, I like it, Thanks..Mr B.

Thank you Mr B......D

David2 wrote:I think the poem is the last two lines. Very imagistic.

Tempted to agree, though it's a shame to lose that first line.

cheers
peter

Peter, thank you for your thoughts, I am not above using a line again if it can be inserted into another poem for good effect, so I will keep that first line in mind, all the best....D

David, I think you saw something stunning in real life (did you? )--captivating because you saw it in the perfect light. Somehow, in my humble opinion, that second's magnificence isn't revealed in this poem yet. I hope you'll keep working on it until it is.

Jackie

Jackie, this was imagined, I still want the "magnificence" though that you mention, and will hopefully get better in delivering it.

seeya...D

As a zoologist I like the poem and the atmosphere it conveys. Title is a good precis of the content. I did find the imagery perhaps contradictory in that the sculptor chips away material to reveal his image, whereas 'solidifying limb by limb' gives the idea of concrescence- like a crystal gradually appearing from a solvent.

cynwulf, thank you for your view on this, (good angle to come from) I will take it into account when reviewing an update....D

Just glancing at the title again, it sounds like a very unusual duel.

I like that thought David, they do duel don't they!!, I may use that sometime...D