Poetry Forum

Another old poem that i have updated

I'm burning down these bridges
severing the ties
past the point of no return
is this my future or my demise
some may say I'm running
running from my fears
but what they don't realize
my life has no worth here

a heart split in pieces
between friends that i hold dear
a love that never loved me
a family that don't care
there’s nothing here to anchor
there’s nothing here to take

Emotion behind poem is very clear. There are some details of technique- s1 line 4 s2 line 4 rhythm goes awry, the stresses make these awkward to read compared to the flow elsewhere. You could replace 'demise' with a monosyllable eg 'end'.or 'death'. This affects your rhyming scheme, but that shouldn't be too difficult to remedy as the scheme is irregular anyway.
Best wishes,
cynwulf.

Hi LT,

This is all statement, e.g. a narrator speaking directly to the reader. The content will come through more strongly if you can show us what you want to say rather than telling us it.

Ian

Showing rather than telling is something i struggle with too. But the emotion in the piece is tangible.

Hi LT,

It's easy to identify with this but I'd really like to know what it's like in your case.

a heart split in pieces

What does that look like for you? I need something here to anchor me so I can understand it.

Jackie