Poetry Forum

(3rd Revision, took out line 2 of stanza 1 from 2nd revision)
I met a crazy woman, once.
We walked and we talked.
We hugged.
We kissed and loved.

She saw things
I could not see,
through a mind
split between
north and south.

The things she'd say,
and the things she'd do,
all convinced me,
more and more,
that I was just
a bit saner than she.

I could never explain,
to myself or to others,
why I loved her so.
Until, one day,
I happened to glimpse
a reflection of myself.

And the look in my eyes
suddenly made me clearly see
why this crazy woman and I
were unmistakably
meant to be.



(2nd Revision, took out line 3 or stanza 1 from 1st revision)

The Crazy Woman

I met a crazy woman,
not long ago.
We walked and we talked.
We hugged.
We kissed and loved.

She saw things
I could not see,
through a mind
split between
north and south.

The things she'd say,
and the things she'd do,
all convinced me,
more and more,
that I was just
a bit saner than she.

I could never explain,
to myself or to others,
why I loved her so.
Until, one day,
I happened to glimpse
a reflection of myself.

And the look in my eyes
suddenly made me clearly see
why this crazy woman and I
were unmistakably
meant to be.


(1st Revision)

The Crazy Woman

I met a crazy woman,
not long ago.
We quickly hit it off.
We walked and we talked.
We hugged.
We kissed and loved.

She saw things
I could not see,
through a mind
split between
north and south.

The things she'd say,
and the things she'd do,
all convinced me,
more and more,
that I was just
a bit saner than she.

I could never explain,
to myself or to others,
why I loved her so.
Until, one day,
I happened to glimpse
a reflection of myself.

And the look in my eyes
suddenly made me clearly see
why this crazy woman and I
were unmistakably
meant to be.


(original)
I met a crazy woman,
not long ago.
We quickly hit it off.
We walked and we talked.
We hugged and
we kissed and we loved.

And all along,
I suspected she might be
just a bit less sane than me.
The things she'd say,
and the things she'd do,
all convinced me,
more and more,
that I was just
a bit saner than she.

I could never explain,
to myself or to others,
why I loved her so.
Until, one day,
I happened to glimpse
a reflection of myself.

And the look in my eyes
suddenly made me clearly see
why this crazy woman and I
were unmistakably
meant to be.

One of my early ones(a year ago)....based on a true story that happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of mine....................

Mike, I love the moment where you look in the mirror and see her looking out of your eyes (or am I giving my own reading to this?).

My feeling is that this is a paraphrase of the poem you want to write. You're explaining the experience and trying to discover the point you want to make. And in your poem-to-be-written, maybe you'll show exactly what The things she'd say, / and the things she'd do look like. You might also let the readers come up with the word, or the impression, crazy if they want to, without your telling them.

This is a great poem idea. I apologize if my comment is too harsh; it's just a personal impression of course, so feel free to toss.

Jackie

Thanks for the input, Jackie. No need to apologize ever. I welcome every critique.
The reason i don't elaborate when it comes to how and why she is crazy is to let the reader paint their own picture.
The entire poem rests on the fact that N was speaking out of denial, until of course, he sees the truth!

I can't see her, Mike. Do her belongings drop from her purse? Is she touchy-feely? Does she wear unseasonal clothes and walk into traffic?

This is going to sound crazy, but I like it as is, as one version.

I agree fully with your comment regarding examples of her relative insanity. It is going to be a bit difficult, as the beginning has to change substantially.....I will definitely work on that....

Thanks, Jackie

Mike you should tell us why she is crazier than you - what does she do that makes her so.
I am struggling to get a handle on her.

Crazy is a ticking time bomb and yet you go into no detail.

Pops ~xx~

I have revised it and hope it is enough.
Not arguing, but for me what is important about this personal poem is the fact that N thinks he is a bit saner until he sees himself in a reflection(meaning he realizes that he is as crazy as she is).

Thank you both for stopping by. I hope you liked the coffee(or tea) and cookies(or cake).

I enjoyed the poem Mike.

I read the poem as the more he looks at her, the more he realizes they have a lot in common, including all her strange ways and mannerism's. He realizes he is just a reflection of all he sees in her. A perfectly matched couple

Barcud

Thanks, Barcud. Glad you enjoyed it......

like most of your poems [i've read], there is a nice development to it, but the tone seems off. here it's very jaunty ["we really hit it off"], like a story you've told too many times it ends up sounding like you're not being serious - a practiced off the cuff quality.

I could never explain,
to myself

this was the nicest moment.

Thanks, Clemonz...
i have taken out the line in question in the 2nd revision...couldn't think of anything to replace it with so far...
good suggestion!

Hi Mike

I liked this poem about the realisation that one is also a little crazy. I rather liked the detail-light opening stanza which rather suggests that the details do not matter.

I wonder if you need "not long ago"? It does not do much and rather undermines the later suggestion... "could never"...which seems to hint that there had been quite a period of not understanding/delusion. Just a thought anyway.

Seth

Thanks, Seth. You could be right. I just worry that
"I met a crazy" by itself won't sound right...

"I met a crazy woman once." may work.....

Hi!

I'm newly joined and this is the second poem I have read. Both I chose because I liked the titles...'Side by Side' and 'The Crazy Woman'. Both by MikeAcker (hello!) .....I preferred The Crazy Woman out of the two.

Some things I noticed (reading the latest version only).....

There was a line I just didn't like because they felt unfinished '.....a mind split between north and south'. What does this really mean?...it gives a bit of a feeling of disappointment, I would have liked something more descriptive here.

I really liked the idea of the thinking 'I was just a bit saner.....' And the eventual realisation that maybe that wasn't the case after all!

Don't really like the word 'so' in the line 'why I loved her so'....somehow doesn't fit in with the general poem, it seems a bit too musical or whimsical.

Overall, for me, good title, and I think I enjoyed the idea more than the delivery.