Poetry Forum

Outside my window,
Swirling and tight,
Thick nimble fingers
Stretch into the night.
The frigid appendages
Stroke every pore,
Curl round the chimneys
And under the door.
No sound escapes
And no light struggles free,
The fog men are coming
And looking for me.

Slick as an oil spill
And still making ground,
March on relentless
Until I am found.
They dance in my garden
And quicken my fear,
They offer no pardon
And know I am here.
They lead me away,
Out into the night,
They want me to stay,
And maybe I might?

Like it Mark. Maybe the last line implies a choice that dilutes the menace?

They want me to stay,
And I have no fight.

Just a thought.

all the best

mac

Hi Mac,

For me, the implication of the last line is that secretly, I quite fancy the idea of being one of them.

Not that I'm ready to die just yet, but I always promised myself, that if I get the chance, when the time comes, I would love to be a ghost, just for a while. Not to do nasty things to people, but just to be a bit mischievous with one or two LOL. I intended the last line to be a little twist, and I imagine saying it with a wry smile on my face, eyebrows raised, enticed by the idea.

I realise that this idea is not too clear, would using a question mark on the last line make that distinction? I might try it see what people think.

Thanks for your ideas.

Mark

Fair enough Mark. Though the poem, for me anyway, conveys a fear rather than a delight. Perhaps I am making a connection to the film 'The Fog'.

all the best

mac

I think you're right, Mark. Your current last line is the one to go for. I enjoyed this.

Cheers

David

No, you're perfectly right Mac,

It is meant to convey a sense of fear, like the film as you say, but I just wanted to twist the ending. I'm not sure that I wanted a sense of delight, but at least the possibility that it might be fun to see what "They" get up to.

Thanks David,

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Do you think using the question mark is the way to go?

Mark

I like the idea of fog men. I'm struggling to imagine fingers that are thick, nimble and frigid.

They offer no pardon
of why they are here. - maybe?

They want me to play?

Mark101 wrote:Thanks David,

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Do you think using the question mark is the way to go?

Yes, I think so! (No warranties given or implied.)

I truly enjoyed reading this, including the last line. The ending question mark leads me to think that you are making a sort of transition to becoming one of "them."

Cheers,
Lauren

Hi Lauren,

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and glad to hear that you interpreted it as I would like it to be understood. It's not always easy to get across to others, the things that are in your head no? Whenever we write, we know exactly what we mean, but that's no guarantee that everyone else will LOL.

Thanks again

Mark

I think one question mark does the job. Just a thought - are there fog women/children/animals?

nice bit of fantasy well expressed; no nits.
regards, C.

Thank you Mac and Cynwulf,

Mac I think you're right, a little overdone with the questions already!

No, the Fog Men Club (F.M.C. for short), is quite exclusive, male only membership. Women have the "Ladies in the Mist" club, associated branch of the F.M.C., and the little ones have the "Children of the wet Wednesday", or Choww, as they sometimes like to call it.

Cynwulf, I'm glad you liked it , thanks. It's a silly little thing but I like it too. No nits! That's great, shame the same cannot be said for some of the Choww members!

Thanks again each,

Mark

Women have the "Ladies in the Mist" club,