Listening

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Firebird
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Mon May 11, 2015 9:32 pm

In the long grass,
is it one
or two crickets
I hear?
cynwulf
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Tue May 12, 2015 11:28 am

Nice, I think Basho wd approve.
Regards, C.
nar
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Tue May 12, 2015 8:54 pm

Agreed... this is nice.

Is this too bold a suggestion?

"or only two crickets"

- nar
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
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Firebird
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Tue May 12, 2015 9:53 pm

Glad you both like it.

Nar, I understand why you suggest inserting 'only' at that point, but think it would push the reader a little much in one direction. It's a very nice suggestion though.

Many thanks for reading and commenting.

All my best,

Firebird
Ros
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Wed May 13, 2015 9:20 am

enjoyed - captures the moment well.

Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Firebird
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Wed May 13, 2015 12:42 pm

Thanks Ros. Glad you enjoyed it.

All my best,

Firebird
Mark101
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Wed May 13, 2015 2:17 pm

It's probably 2, the little buggers are eating my garden to bits LOL.

I'm not usually a fan of this style, but your piece is thought provoking and I do like it.

Best regards

Mark
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