Poetry Forum

she was his good bi girl
he was her bi-polar bear
not that belonging lasted long
when they swore Bye bi again

to friends they are
Bonnie and Clyde and Jeckyl and Hyde
“An odd foursome, don’t you think?”
“I wonder who’s jealous of who?”

but when all the little pieces
were hoisted by flying pigs
through ambrosia sky pies
bliss herself would blush

their chemistry breaks physics
fall out from their fission fusion
perpetual emotion machine
has gravity on its knees

today is vanilla, margarita perhaps
so, she’s hating him just enough
to give him something
she doesn't really give about him

-nar

In s1' the pun using 'bi' baffled me a bit. Though, bi-polar bear worked better for me.

In s2 I am still trying to cube your square of Bonnie and Clyde and Jekyll and Hyde. Interesting though. I like the way it sounds, too.

S3 works well for me. And I love the oxymoron in s4 which I also think works well. However, the final two line in s5 I'm having difficulty following.

I'm also not sure whether some more punctuation might help this piece. I understand though that by leaving out punctuation you do increase the number of connections and interpretations that can be made.

I'm wondering if your title is ironic. Maybe this relationship is not that complicated and parts of the poem are purposefully difficult/opaque because complexity and ambiguity can be used as a mask or a reason for not dealing with problems. Sorry if I barking completely up the wrong tree here.

Even though there's are a lot of twists and turns in this poem, I think that most of it works.

I like how it sounds too, and thought it reads really well.

Hope this little a little.

All my best,

Firebird

Hello nar,

I'm liking this, but was a bit confused. Is she bisexual, or are they both bipolar? If it's the latter, then perhaps swapping L1 and L2 would get the concept out quicker.

I do think too that some more punctuation would help. I know it's a choice to leave it out on your part as you have used it in some places, even though "It's complicated", it still should be a tad easier to read no?

I know what you were going for with the "chemistry - physics" thing, but being a bit of a science buff (nerd) lol, I did see what the one had to do with the other, probably just my personal thing though.

Best regards

Mark

Thanks, both.

Useful crit. Much appreciated.

No point in answering it all. If I've missed, then I've missed.

Three nonetheless...

" Is she bisexual?": Yes.

" trying to cube your square of Bonnie and Clyde and Jekyll and Hyde": She is B&C, he is J&H. Four people in a two person relationship.

"the final two line in s5 I'm having difficulty following": She doesn't really give a f*c* about him.

Thanks again...

N

I though this was a fun portrait of a somewhat grim set up. Obviously "bi-polar" bear is a winner. Some nice lines.
This was an especially fun and eccentric stanza....

but when all the little pieces
were hoisted by flying pigs
through ambrosia sky pies
bliss herself would blush

Blushing bliss and flying pigs! That is poetry!:lol:


Seth

That's a great last verse, though I have to admit I thought she didn't give a toss.

Ray, Seth.

Thanks, gents. Kind comments always appreciated.

" I thought she didn't give a toss" (Ray): I think I prefer your interpretation to my own. It also makes me think I wrote something poetic. 50 lashes for me.

"an especially fun and eccentric stanza...." (Seth). My favourite too... and it was the easiest to write. This, I will learn something from.

I may revisit this for a rewrite.

Kindest...

Neil

I found the bi, bi-polar bear, bonnie and clyde jekyl and hyde thing very interesting as a metaphor for multiple personalities.
Think Ray hit it on the head really

All the best Kev

Cheers, Kev.

I'm glad you made some sense of "the bi, bi-polar bear, bonnie and clyde jekyl and hyde thing"

No-one seemed to get the "good bi girl" / "Goodbye Girl" reference. Too obscure probably.

Kindest...

Neil