There must be a hundred
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I can't mow down orchids,
[tab][/tab]replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".
[tab][/tab]So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging
with Shaggy Jack, whistling
[tab][/tab]at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
[tab][/tab]regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal.
[tab][/tab]replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".
[tab][/tab]So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging
with Shaggy Jack, whistling
[tab][/tab]at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
[tab][/tab]regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
- JJWilliamson
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This is right up my street again, Seth. I've just completely reseeded my back garden and I'm praying for rain.
If the skies reject my request, the watering can will see some action tomorrow. Di will be charmed.
Best
JJ
If the skies reject my request, the watering can will see some action tomorrow. Di will be charmed.
Enjoyed,Antcliff wrote:I can't mow down orchids,
[tab][/tab]replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?". ...Are they wild orchids? I wouldn't mow them down either. Definitely an effective hook.
[tab][/tab]So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging
with Shaggy Jack, whistling
[tab][/tab]at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
[tab][/tab]regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal. ...yes, 'defying' would be better.
Best
JJ
Long time a child and still a child
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A few thoughts A. What is the "green" they are "hanging in?" I can only surmise the "grass" which is supposed to be "brown."I can't mow down orchids,
replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".
So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging
with Shaggy Jack, whistling
at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal.
"Lolling" could be a tad overused in this context.
"Soft" to modify petals is not needed (for me) the sonics of the line come across more too without it.
Enjoyed the read .
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Enjoyed. Just a thought, hundreds/orchids is a nice sort of rhyme. Perhaps title and 1st line might swap
I can't mow down orchids
there must be hundreds,
and replace....
I can't mow down orchids
there must be hundreds,
and replace....
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Yes, enjoyed. And defeating is better than defying. They can still be mown down, albeit defiantly. In this case they are actually defeating the metal. No? And - in case that argument doesn't stand - it sounds better too.
Cheers
David
I have often wondered that.Macavity wrote:ps do you require a full-stop after a question mark?
Cheers
David
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Agree 100%.David wrote:And defeating is better than defying.
Not required. I believe the consensus is "acceptable but unwieldy".Macavity wrote:ps do you require a full-stop after a question mark?
Punctuation is often ugly.
B.
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Good points, DavidDavid wrote:Yes, enjoyed. And defeating is better than defying. They can still be mown down, albeit defiantly. In this case they are actually defeating the metal. No? And - in case that argument doesn't stand - it sounds better too.
Are they actually defeating the metal? If they remain unscathed, I'd say yes. It could be the case that the petals in question are too soft for the mower to damage. If, on the other hand, they survive twisted and bruised or lopped off at the base, I'd be more inclined to use defying. In both scenarios they live to fight another day as the roots probably react to the onslaught; perhaps the plants reseed themselves (I'd have to check).
(A bit like Rocky) "He just kept coming". Creed won the fight, but Rocky survived, defiantly, to fight another day.
I wouldn't say I was 100% about this one though.
As always, the poet will have the last word.
J
Long time a child and still a child
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A fair point from David, but I'd say that, even if the flowers survive on the first pass of the mower, the ultimate winner will be the machine. So they're defying not defeating.
On the other hand, the spirit of the flower, it's sense of life, will survive beyond its earthly decapitation. It will outlast the mower. So perhaps it's defeating not defying.
For me, defying sounds better.
Ultimately, of course, ...
peter
On the other hand, the spirit of the flower, it's sense of life, will survive beyond its earthly decapitation. It will outlast the mower. So perhaps it's defeating not defying.
For me, defying sounds better.
Ultimately, of course, ...
CheersJJWilliamson wrote:As always, the poet will have the last word.
J
peter
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Thanks, Peter (2)
Thanks, Peter (1)
Thanks for the "defying" suggestion. It is tempting. The thrust of it was that the orchids defeat the metal, as David says, though it could be argued that your "defying" itself implies an element of success..as in" defying gravity". Hmm. "Defying" also rather suggests the stance of "defiance" and they seem more relaxed than that. ha. Still pondering.
Thanks, C
Thanks Mac, David, Brian, full stop will go.
Thanks Ray
Thanks David (2)
Quite right, yes, "soft" could go.
The grass is not supposed to be brown..it is green. It would go brown if it was cut and the flowers were not defeating the metal.
Thanks JJ
Good luck with the reseeding.
Thanks, again, all.
Seth
Yeh, might be right about that.I initially found the line breaks jarring
Thanks, Peter (1)
Thanks for the "defying" suggestion. It is tempting. The thrust of it was that the orchids defeat the metal, as David says, though it could be argued that your "defying" itself implies an element of success..as in" defying gravity". Hmm. "Defying" also rather suggests the stance of "defiance" and they seem more relaxed than that. ha. Still pondering.
Might ask my favourite gardener at the weekend. See what she says.As always, the poet will have the last word.
Thanks, C
Not that fancy orchid, no. Very rare? Bird's Foot Trefoil gets called by the name. I was thinking of that..http://www.irelandswildlife.com/birds-f ... niculatus/Do you really have Lady's Slipper?
Thanks Mac, David, Brian, full stop will go.
Thanks Ray
Very tempting. Like that suggestion. Hmm.Just a thought, hundreds/orchids is a nice sort of rhyme. Perhaps title and 1st line might swap
Thanks David (2)
Quite right, yes, "soft" could go.
The grass is not supposed to be brown..it is green. It would go brown if it was cut and the flowers were not defeating the metal.
Thanks JJ
Good luck with the reseeding.
Yes, marsh orchids. We get three kinds of marsh/heath orchid...purple, pink and (less common) white. It has been a very good year for them. We had about 500 in the garden, although I can't pretend that is typical. I let them grow last year and it is perhaps a consequence....Are they wild orchids? I wouldn't mow them down either.
Thanks, again, all.
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Fantastic poem, Antcliff! I really like it!
Just my two cents: I'm definitely in the "defying" over "defeating" club, and I think you could probably ditch the "soft" in front of petals. The contrast of just petals and metal is apparent enough. The only other thing is maybe some repetition might put some more emphasis on the rebellion/defiance. Just a thought!
Just my two cents: I'm definitely in the "defying" over "defeating" club, and I think you could probably ditch the "soft" in front of petals. The contrast of just petals and metal is apparent enough. The only other thing is maybe some repetition might put some more emphasis on the rebellion/defiance. Just a thought!
Antcliff wrote:I can't mow down orchids,
[tab][/tab]can't replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".
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Thanks very much, Namyh
Thank very much, Alsayn. Yes, "soft" to go. Thanks for your kind suggestions. Pondering.
Thank very much, Alsayn. Yes, "soft" to go. Thanks for your kind suggestions. Pondering.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur