Nightwatch

[Crayon]

Nightwatch

Friday's full moon spills
over into hard gardens
and lays upon dark yards
a wasted light by which
foxes fuck and good dogs
learn not to pine out loud.

[NotQuiteSure]

[tab][/tab]
Good start, but where's the rest of it?
It reads like the beginning of a much longer piece.
I'd challenge 'wasted' given the line that follows it.
Regards, Not.

[Antcliff]

Good start, but where's the rest of it?

Well, I am rather with Not, Crayon.

Feels like The Monster is about to walk into the scene. Let it?


seth

[ton321]

Hi, i liked it but as it has been mentioned, it seems like it the start of something longer. There is something heavy handed about the adjectives, if i may say ie
FULL moon, HARD gardens, DARK yards, WASTED light, promising though-
Tony

[bjondon]

Hi Crayon,

- a nice coiled spring of a sentence . . . somewhere between Dylan Thomas and Raymond Chandler(?) . . . and yes it does whet the appetite for more. The hard serviceable adjectives work fine for me, a perfect setting for that fox-fuck diamond. The last line feels a bit loose though.

Julian

[Sheila]

A wasted moon? This poem brings you down to Earth,(pardon the pun,) but this is what it's meant to do. We have more than enough poetry praising the moon, sometimes beauty is unappreciated, but it's still there . Beauty, just is, to me that is the whole point, and I feel it 's a point well made, there is no need for more. Sheila

[ray miller]

I quite like it as it is, though I don't think you need "over" and "into" in line 2, and "on" would suffice in line 3 rather than "upon".