I wait for you at the café.
Where there are people sitting
and drinking their coffee and
eating a donut for safe keeping,
which is nestled in their mouths
like fistful of eggs in a basket.
I wait for you by the window
where I feel like seeing the sky
and the birds flock to the streets.
Eating some bread crumbs the
man in the suit gave, poor
old woman sits there waiting for
someone to help her get up and
cross the street. Which I would but
I am busy waiting for you at the
café.
Waiting for You At the Café
When I realised that donuts are made with eggs, I could connect with the image.eating a donut for safe keeping,
which is nestled in their mouths
like fistful of eggs in a basket.
Love the disconnect in this poem.Which I would but
I am busy waiting for you at the
café.
Hi,
This has a real resonance to it with some interesting turns of phrase and I like the circularity. Sense of poignancy as if N. is going to be waiting in vain.
If I had to criticise "I wait for you by the window
where I feel like seeing the sky
and the birds flock to the streets." doesn't quite work for me, doesn't hang together and doesn't add much.
Enjoyed,
Charles
This has a real resonance to it with some interesting turns of phrase and I like the circularity. Sense of poignancy as if N. is going to be waiting in vain.
If I had to criticise "I wait for you by the window
where I feel like seeing the sky
and the birds flock to the streets." doesn't quite work for me, doesn't hang together and doesn't add much.
Enjoyed,
Charles
Ah! So then what should I do about those lines you mentioned? Is it worth editing?Charles wrote: ↑Fri Mar 05, 2021 1:35 amHi,
This has a real resonance to it with some interesting turns of phrase and I like the circularity. Sense of poignancy as if N. is going to be waiting in vain.
If I had to criticise "I wait for you by the window
where I feel like seeing the sky
and the birds flock to the streets." doesn't quite work for me, doesn't hang together and doesn't add much.
Enjoyed,
Charles
Oh by the way I made a slight revision to the poem I hope you gents enjoy it.
I wait for you at the café.
Where people sit, drinking coffee
and getting it all over their shirts.
Some eat Hawaiian donuts to savour them.
Their hunger nestled into mouths
like a fistful of eggs in a basket.
I wait for you by the window.
I pour myself another beverage
to cleanse my throat and stare outside
where birds waddle to the streets
eating bread crumbs a man in
a corduroy suit gave.
Old women crouch waiting for
someone to help them get up and
cross the street. Which I would but
I am too busy waiting for you at the
café.
I wait for you at the café.
Where people sit, drinking coffee
and getting it all over their shirts.
Some eat Hawaiian donuts to savour them.
Their hunger nestled into mouths
like a fistful of eggs in a basket.
I wait for you by the window.
I pour myself another beverage
to cleanse my throat and stare outside
where birds waddle to the streets
eating bread crumbs a man in
a corduroy suit gave.
Old women crouch waiting for
someone to help them get up and
cross the street. Which I would but
I am too busy waiting for you at the
café.