Poetry Forum

I am here!
I’m alive

I learn
and I thrive

More than my Mother
fare better than late Father

Still it is there
the soul of the past
injustice eats though time

I know what is rightfully mine.

This is a really intriguing piece, I feel that you have to be careful when rhyming because you need to use meter and it's not a good idea to use crazy line breaks like these. Now when I read this I felt you have something to unearth and the way it is written I feel you could make it longer. Perhaps you could make it more vivid.

Your poem intrigues me. I would suggest some very small changes but it is easier to give you the whole thing rather than talking about line numbers etc. So here is your poem with the changes I suggest.
I am here!
I’m alive

I learn
I thrive

More than my Mother,
fare better than Father.

Still it is there
the soul of the past
injustice eating though time.

But I know what is rightfully mine.

Hope this helps.

I'm glad you got something from this one.
I had actually forgotten it.

Thanks.

Amadis - It's good when you can gain more coming from a poem than first coming to it. Thanks Amadis. Namyh

Hi Amadis,

I really like the line:

injustice eats though time

Excellent.

Cheers,

Tristan