Numbat

[Amadis]

-- v2 --
Those banded highwaymen
hold hostage our profit
their snake-like tongues
dare question our acumen
soon our plan will end it.

The last of them we’ll be rid
next Tuesday around two
They are to be extinguished.
A conflagration planned
to clear productive land
burned in burrow, mother and kid

-- v1 --
The last of them we’ll be rid
next Tuesday around two
They are to become extinct
A conflagration planned to
clear productive land
burned in burrow, mother and kid

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Amadis,
it's a bit clunky (the opening line, for instance) and it feels like the start of a piece, not a piece entire.
'extinct' seems like hyperbole (to no real purpose). And the title doesn't say very much.

Next Tuesday we'll be rid
of the last of them;
got a conflagration planned
to clear productive land
burn the mother and her kid
in their burrow.

And ... ?


Regards, Not

.

[Macavity]

The last of them we’ll be rid
of next Tuesday, around two -
a conflagration to clear
an acre of productive land -
burned in burrow, mother and kid.

Like it Amadis. I've added some suggestions. I did wonder where dad was? Does the poem need a POV, a farmer's son? How much empathy does the poet have? It feels quite distanced.

cheers

mac

[Amadis]

Thanks for reading and suggestions.

Yer, a bit clunky of flow, your suggestions help.

Extinct is not hyperbole, though, it's an accurate term in this case.

Some perspective and feeling ... yes.

[NotQuiteSure]

it's an accurate term in this case.

Generally, though, it's used to refer to a species, not an 'infestation' (so
to me it seems a little grandiose) and there's also the fact that the
word derives from 'to extinguish a fire' (which clashes, I think, with
'conflagration') - but, given how brutally plain the last line is, do you
need these particular words? They seem, like mac said, (intellectually)
distancing.

Regards, Not

.

[Amadis]

The Fire that will Extinguish the species.

I like that, you've got me thinking...

[NotQuiteSure]

Had you known about this?
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-05-02/prescribed-burn-decimates-numbat-habitat-wa/100110960

[Amadis]

There will be another conflagration in August.
It has been decreed.