A world lonely together
For long besieged years
Mother forgets the face of Son
The wary become the weary
Harboured boats grow barnacles
Times tide quenches hot fear
With our graves prepared
We march in resignation
No rousing speeches
No soldiers battle cry
No banners held high
No glory promised
Caged birds compelled to migrate
We trudge from the gates
Blink at the Suns new rays
Greet the enemy breeze on face.
-- v1--
Harboured boats grow barnacles
Caged birds long to migrate
Mother forgets the face of Son
A world lonely together
Besieged long years
Wary turns to weary
Weary time cools hot fear
With graves prepared
We march in resignation
No rousing speeches
No soldiers battle cry
No banners flap in breeze
We trudge from the gates
Blink at the Suns new rays
Greet the enemy breeze on face.
unwelcome breeze
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- Persistent Poster
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Harboured boats grow barnacles
Caged birds long to migrate
Mother forgets the face of Son
A world lonely together .............I think the poem should start with this stanza
Besieged long years .............flip first two words: Long besieged years
Wary turns to weary
Weary time cools hot fear
With graves prepared ..........."To" graves prepared ?
We march in resignation
No rousing speeches
No soldiers battle cry
No banners flap in breeze .............since you are going to use breeze at the end, maybe a different word or phrase; "No banners streaming"?
We wander from the gates
Blink at the Suns new rays
Greet the enemy breeze on face. ................Great last line
Caged birds long to migrate
Mother forgets the face of Son
A world lonely together .............I think the poem should start with this stanza
Besieged long years .............flip first two words: Long besieged years
Wary turns to weary
Weary time cools hot fear
With graves prepared ..........."To" graves prepared ?
We march in resignation
No rousing speeches
No soldiers battle cry
No banners flap in breeze .............since you are going to use breeze at the end, maybe a different word or phrase; "No banners streaming"?
We wander from the gates
Blink at the Suns new rays
Greet the enemy breeze on face. ................Great last line
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- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 163
- Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2021 3:55 pm
I very much like the way you've merged the original lines and revised. Great read. Thanks for posting.