George III

[Leaf]

Since the morning he left, she has searched for her man
with their two silver children in tow –
at first light they descend from the island and scan
the west lake for George. Where did he go?

They swim all the way round, up as far as the bridge,
the small wooden bridge over the stream,
passing pine grove and lime trees, the copper beech ridge,
in the early sun, feathers agleam.

“Morning, Zelda!” A wave from a dogwalker, Kate.
“He’ll be back, love, I promise.” She smiles –
but the pen just continues, not knowing her mate
is in Evesham, 14 swan-fly miles.

They swim all the way downlake, and stop by the falls
where they often pause during the day.
Here the swan ladies greet them; they answer with calls
and high bows, as some snacks come their way.

But no lingering now. With a snort, Zelda turns;
time has come for the mid-morning flight.
Like three boats they begin, paddling white or grey sterns
faster, faster, with all of their might.

Flap-flap-flap-flap-flap-flap!, go their wings, and they rise
over Pittville and circle the park,
in a three-point formation through wintery skies
on their mission, their eyes wide and dark.

They see water and trees, Pitt’s long lawns, Georgian roofs,
then the Pump Room, its gold-tipped blue dome;
sounds ascend – human chatter, bird songs, canine woofs –
but no George to find here and bring home.

They descend, make their landing; the children must rest,
so they sail to the island to nap.
Zelda stops by a pier, drops her head to her breast
for a moment, before the next lap.

- - -
This is the third movement of the swan story, moving to triple meter and true rhymes (^v^)

[jisbell00]

Hi Fliss,

Yes, that is a powerful rhythm you've got going here! There are a couple of moments I feel the rhythm tweaks the natural spoken rhythm of English to achieve its ends, but I'm not sure that's a problem, songs more or less expect it. This I think could very pleasantly be sung. And of course, your writing is limpid, to use a word I like today. Oh, and the perfect rhyme is very nice as well.
The suspense builds!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

They see water and trees, Pitt’s long lawns, Georgian roofs,
then the Pump Room, its gold-tipped blue dome;
sounds ascend – human chatter, bird songs, canine woofs –

Nice detailing of place Fliss...and the swan perspective in flight

And then there is the swan world when swimming...

They swim all the way round, up as far as the bridge,
the small wooden bridge over the stream,
passing pine grove and lime trees, the copper beech ridge,

I like how you enter into their world with Evesham, 14 swan-fly miles and the body clock of their world time has come for the mid-morning flight.

All, of course, wrapped in the music of your ear for r&r

MacPhil and no chocolate or cake

[Leaf]

Hi Fliss,

Yes, that is a powerful rhythm you've got going here! There are a couple of moments I feel the rhythm tweaks the natural spoken rhythm of English to achieve its ends, but I'm not sure that's a problem, songs more or less expect it. This I think could very pleasantly be sung. And of course, your writing is limpid, to use a word I like today. Oh, and the perfect rhyme is very nice as well.
The suspense builds!

Cheers,
John

Hi John,

Thanks for finding power in the rhythm! I'm sure there are a couple of offbeats and I'll look through it all again soon, with the aim of locating them and hopefully coming up with something better. I like the idea of singing and I appreciate the word limpid, hooray. I'm pleased you like the perfect rhymes; do you generally favour the trues or do you like the slants as well? Just curious!

Just 'George IV' left to write now; and I'd also like to come up with a title for the quartet as a whole

Best wishes,
Fliss

[Leaf]

They see water and trees, Pitt’s long lawns, Georgian roofs,
then the Pump Room, its gold-tipped blue dome;
sounds ascend – human chatter, bird songs, canine woofs –

Nice detailing of place Fliss...and the swan perspective in flight

And then there is the swan world when swimming...

They swim all the way round, up as far as the bridge,
the small wooden bridge over the stream,
passing pine grove and lime trees, the copper beech ridge,

I like how you enter into their world with Evesham, 14 swan-fly miles and the body clock of their world time has come for the mid-morning flight.

All, of course, wrapped in the music of your ear for r&r

MacPhil and no chocolate or cake

MacPhil! What, no chocolate or cake? Hang on, I'll see whether I've got some... aha!

Thanks for enjoying the detailing and the swan perspective. It was fun to enter the swan world; quite sad in a way, but members of Pittville Swans & Friends knew at this point that George would be coming back to Zelda. We were just waiting for the good news from Vale.

Thanks also for appreciating the r&r! There'll be more of that in 'George IV'

Best wishes,
Fliss

[Macavity]

Look forward to the finale Fliss! And thank you for
your scrumptious sharing

MacPhil 🫖

[jisbell00]

Hi FLiss,

Wot no chocolate? I guess I should ask more often.
I like slant and true rhymes both, but in a song, I like true rhymes, I guess. Though I'm perfectly happy with rock and rol's off rhyming, so I don't really know the answer. I guess on the page, when singing is at issue, I like the music to be crystal clear, and that means perfect rhyme.
Not sure I can express myself more clearly than that, I'm thinking on the fly. But i am kept in suspense by your series!

Cheers,
John

[Leaf]

Ooh, chocolate for John! Scamper-scamper to the PAT pantry, returning laden with bars

Thanks for your thoughts on slant and true rhymes, John. I think I like true rhymes for songs too, but also slanters for rock 'n' roll and other genres.

I started (almost typed 'snorted'!) 'George IV' early this morning and I'm about halfway through, I think. Hoping to finish tomorrow morning, during my early session of 6am through to 8

Bw,
Fliss

[Leaf]

Look forward to the finale Fliss! And thank you for
your scrumptious sharing

MacPhil 🫖

Oops I almost missed this, MacPhil. You're welcome for the snackage share-age! It's coming up to tea-and-treats time here again

[jisbell00]

Tea and a choccie biscuit, by the look of things. My goodness!

Yes, George IV is coming down the pike, I think, which is good to hear.

Cheers,
John

[CalebPerry]

Hi, Felicity.

Your writing, as always, is good -- syntax, word choices, alliteration, rhymes -- but I find myself tired of reading about swans, each one personified with its own name. There is so much detail about their movements -- they go here and there for this and that reason. Not every detail is interesting. I know that they are endlessly fascinating to you, but it is hard to convey that fascination. Generally speaking, I don't care for heavy descriptions in any poem, and that's what this poem mostly consists of.

Being aware as I am that you write your poems more to please yourself than to please other people, some of my comments may be unfair. Sorry for not being more positive.

[Leaf]

Tea and a choccie biscuit, by the look of things. My goodness!

Yes, George IV is coming down the pike, I think, which is good to hear.

Cheers,
John

Yes indeed, John. No half-measures here!

I'll post 'George IV' shortly

Bw,
Fliss

[Leaf]

Hi, Felicity.

Your writing, as always, is good -- syntax, word choices, alliteration, rhymes -- but I find myself tired of reading about swans, each one personified with its own name. There is so much detail about their movements -- they go here and there for this and that reason. Not every detail is interesting. I know that they are endlessly fascinating to you, but it is hard to convey that fascination. Generally speaking, I don't care for heavy descriptions in any poem, and that's what this poem mostly consists of.

Being aware as I am that you write your poems more to please yourself than to please other people, some of my comments may be unfair. Sorry for not being more positive.

Hi Caleb,

Thanks for appreciating my writing.

Naturally not everyone is going to enjoy this series. But of course I'm not writing for those who aren't interested in swans; I'm writing for those who are, of which there are many.

Tastes vary concerning descriptions in poetry; I'm confident that my target audience will appreciate the close attention to detail here.

It isn't true that I write more to please myself than other people. When I write a poem, I always have a target audience in mind. I'm really rather puzzled by your comment, but I'm going to move on now and post the final poem in the series.

Take care,
Fliss