Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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sleepystupid
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2015 6:37 am

Mon Nov 06, 2017 6:05 pm

a grisly house
fit for beasts bothered by heat
till winter slumber
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Walton
Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Dec 09, 2017 5:18 pm

Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:05 am

The first post mentioned the 5-7-5 was lax, I think this is ok unless it’s become strict

till winter slumber
year earned sales enslave us
your smile worth it

W
sorry - sometimes - these eyes, leave me
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Danté
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Posts: 2017
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Sun Jan 21, 2018 4:37 pm

your smile worth it
more than any asking price
the number is five
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
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Suzanne
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Location: Land of the Midnight Sun

Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:52 pm

The number is five,
I don't know why that matters:
It's my new guitar.
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Mirrorball
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Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:01 am

The crow is clever,
he finds his reflection and
keeps it for himself.
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Macavity
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Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:01 am

Keeps it for himself
a mist rolls over the pines
the lake's fringe frosted.
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Mirrorball
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Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:41 am

Ah I see, pay attention to first and last post, silly me :)

The lake's fringe frosted,
icy swan darts to hard ground,
a big wet breast slides
Last edited by Mirrorball on Sun Sep 09, 2018 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Binz
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Posts: 150
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:16 am

Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:56 am

a big wet breast slides
in the gravy of Sunday.
huh! chicken again
If you want to fly, you must first spread your wings.
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Mirrorball
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Posts: 251
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Sun Sep 09, 2018 10:22 am

huh! chicken again,
motorcycle tyre strips.
I'd better slow down
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Pauline
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Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:27 pm

I'd better slow down.
I just want to talk to you.
I'll take the long route.
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Mirrorball
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Sun Sep 09, 2018 4:29 pm

I'll take the long route.
Scent lingers on my backseat,
your shape imprints foam.
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Pauline
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Wed Sep 12, 2018 10:06 pm

Your shape imprints foam.
Low, and barely audible.
A song within songs.
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Binz
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Posts: 150
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:16 am

Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:33 am

A song within songs.
One track on every album
is a dud, skip it.
If you want to fly, you must first spread your wings.
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Mirrorball
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Thu Sep 13, 2018 9:45 am

is a dud, skip it.
Another soggy firework.
Bonfire night washout.
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Macavity
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Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Tue Nov 06, 2018 6:58 pm

Bonfire night washout
tapping relentless tempo
bebop bopbe bop
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bjondon
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Joined: Wed May 10, 2017 5:04 pm

Tue Nov 06, 2018 8:37 pm

bebop bopbe bop
Westerners get it all wrong
unbalanced by Greeks
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ton321
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Joined: Sat Feb 08, 2014 12:54 am

Tue Nov 13, 2018 1:55 am

Unbalanced by Greeks
We wave from our Happy-Train
at eaters of fish
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
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Macavity
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Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:54 am

At eaters of fish
they offer a washing-line
of recycled hooks
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Moth
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Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 4:33 am

Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:33 am

of recycled hooks
brand new equipment is made
sturdy, well-rounded.
to be totally honest... whenever you feel you really shouldn't write that, that's exactly what you should write.
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Macavity
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Sat Nov 17, 2018 1:03 am

sturdy, well-rounded,
no history of being
emaciated
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Moth
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Sat Nov 17, 2018 2:15 am

Emaciated
dummies in too large garments
in need of a shrink.
to be totally honest... whenever you feel you really shouldn't write that, that's exactly what you should write.
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JJWilliamson
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Posts: 3276
Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2015 6:20 am

Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:09 am

In need of a shrink,
said the violet to the rose.
Autumn should do it.
Long time a child and still a child
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justanj
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2019 1:08 pm

Wed Feb 20, 2019 11:04 am

Autumn should do it.
Spring also might.
I vary without reason
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Macavity
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Sat Feb 23, 2019 4:47 pm

I vary without reason
and with intuition
sow to root to leaf
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JJWilliamson
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Sat Feb 23, 2019 7:47 pm

Sow to root to leaf:
Hazy days on the ganja
haiku express
Long time a child and still a child
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