I held my grandmothers hand between mine,
loving its strangeness
and the paper thin skin stretched tight
over each bulging knuckle.
It was all contour, geography,
khyber pass and militant
the strange ways of athritis
that we traversed like mountain goats.
Mountain Goats
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3061
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
My only real suggestion is that you replace "between" with "in" in this line:
I held my grandmothers hand between mine,
Also, that you close up the vertical spaces to not more than one blank line each. In fact, I think the poem should be two stanzas of four lines each. If you do that, you might add some more punctuation to the second stanza.
Nice language. "Athritis" should be "arthritis".
I held my grandmothers hand between mine,
Also, that you close up the vertical spaces to not more than one blank line each. In fact, I think the poem should be two stanzas of four lines each. If you do that, you might add some more punctuation to the second stanza.
Nice language. "Athritis" should be "arthritis".
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.