Fables
Once there was a moth that wanted to fly to the Moon. Now the Moon that night hung so low that you could catch it in a net. And so, the moth flew and flew until she flew above the highest treetop. Then she flew above the highest mountain. Then the moth took a breath and flew through the immeasurable vastness of space, until her wings were dusted with the stars, until at last she landed on the Moon. And the Moon was just as she had expected. And there the moth remains to this day, fluttering around the Moon lampposts and drinking the strange things moths drink on the Moon.
The frog in the rain was saying to the heavens, I approve of the rain. Kingdoms rose and fell, and the frog said I approve of kingdoms rising and falling. Couples strolled by arm in arm, and the frog said I approve of couples strolling by arm in arm. Planets circled overhead. The frog said I approve of planets circling overhead. A heron flew in and ate the frog, and as the frog vanished down the heron’s gullet, he said I approve of being eaten by herons.
Fables
Greetings, John,
We're not sure, but we think we've read these before. Are both prose poems? In the first, we admire the moth's tenacity. The description throughout is pleasant and we particularly like "the moth took a breath", preparing for the big adventure. Another highlight is the drinking of strange things on the Moon, which is generally to be encouraged. Our only suggestion at this stage is to assign gender for increased whimsy (^v^)
We might make the same suggestion concerning the frog piece. This too is enjoyable, in a different way. Coo wonders whether the frog has been drinking strange things, so as to be approving of everything, not least the final instance of this. We were saddened to read of the frog's end (*o*) (sigh)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
We're not sure, but we think we've read these before. Are both prose poems? In the first, we admire the moth's tenacity. The description throughout is pleasant and we particularly like "the moth took a breath", preparing for the big adventure. Another highlight is the drinking of strange things on the Moon, which is generally to be encouraged. Our only suggestion at this stage is to assign gender for increased whimsy (^v^)
We might make the same suggestion concerning the frog piece. This too is enjoyable, in a different way. Coo wonders whether the frog has been drinking strange things, so as to be approving of everything, not least the final instance of this. We were saddened to read of the frog's end (*o*) (sigh)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Hello John,
I very much enjoy fables. I managed to find Aesop's fables last year at a holiday rental and read several. Yours have just the right tone and are made of curious thoughts. There's a subtle rhyming pattern in the first that carries the work along. I wonder about 'you could cut it with a knife'. I'm not quite sure if the knife works and if it's the right image for the scene. As an alternative, you could catch it/hook it/fish it from the sky. Or something along those lines. The only other thought I had about the moth and the moon was:
And there the moth remains to this day, fluttering …
And, to this day, there the moth remains fluttering …
I like the idea of the moth drinking strange things on the moon. The fable seems to suggest the reason that months circle lamps (an attempt to reach for the moon), but perhaps this wasn't what you were aiming at?
Onto the Approving Frog. A curious fable indeed! I like the repeated language, but Oh no! The frog was gobbled up. Well, that will teach it to be so agreeable and approving of everything. And perhaps that's the moral of the story? Or, maybe the fable is saying that all of this is nature's way?... what will be will be. I like that a few meanings can be found in the work. I also like herons and frogs so I'm happy to see them appear in one place!
My only suggestion is that the frog could be saying these things to someone/something (another creature or the lake/river, for instance). It would ground the writing and give the reader a sense of place/conversation. You'd only need to mention it in the first sentence. Eg:
The frog in the rain was saying to the pond I approve of the rain. Kingdoms rose and fell, and the frog said I approve of kingdoms rising and falling. Couples strolled by arm in arm, and the frog said I approve of couples strolling by arm in arm. Planets circled overhead. The frog said I approve of planets circling overhead. A heron flew in and ate the frog and, as the frog vanished down the heron’s gullet, it said I approve of being eaten by herons.
(the red is just to show a comma suggestion)
Well, see what you think. Perhaps something might be useful to you. Both are very enjoyable.
Lia
I very much enjoy fables. I managed to find Aesop's fables last year at a holiday rental and read several. Yours have just the right tone and are made of curious thoughts. There's a subtle rhyming pattern in the first that carries the work along. I wonder about 'you could cut it with a knife'. I'm not quite sure if the knife works and if it's the right image for the scene. As an alternative, you could catch it/hook it/fish it from the sky. Or something along those lines. The only other thought I had about the moth and the moon was:
And there the moth remains to this day, fluttering …
And, to this day, there the moth remains fluttering …
I like the idea of the moth drinking strange things on the moon. The fable seems to suggest the reason that months circle lamps (an attempt to reach for the moon), but perhaps this wasn't what you were aiming at?
Onto the Approving Frog. A curious fable indeed! I like the repeated language, but Oh no! The frog was gobbled up. Well, that will teach it to be so agreeable and approving of everything. And perhaps that's the moral of the story? Or, maybe the fable is saying that all of this is nature's way?... what will be will be. I like that a few meanings can be found in the work. I also like herons and frogs so I'm happy to see them appear in one place!
My only suggestion is that the frog could be saying these things to someone/something (another creature or the lake/river, for instance). It would ground the writing and give the reader a sense of place/conversation. You'd only need to mention it in the first sentence. Eg:
The frog in the rain was saying to the pond I approve of the rain. Kingdoms rose and fell, and the frog said I approve of kingdoms rising and falling. Couples strolled by arm in arm, and the frog said I approve of couples strolling by arm in arm. Planets circled overhead. The frog said I approve of planets circling overhead. A heron flew in and ate the frog and, as the frog vanished down the heron’s gullet, it said I approve of being eaten by herons.
(the red is just to show a comma suggestion)
Well, see what you think. Perhaps something might be useful to you. Both are very enjoyable.
Lia
Greetings, Fliss and Coo,
You may indeed have read these before! They are prose poems taken from To Our Alien Overlords. As you note, the moth is tenacious. He (or she) does indeed take a breath in advance of the plunge, and goes on to drink strange things on the Moon – to be encouraged, as you rightly note! I think the moth may well acquire a gender, I’d not thought of that.
The frog has very likely been drinking strange things, and finds itself approving of everything these days. The frog’s end is saddening, but that is apparently what happened.
Cheerie,
John
You may indeed have read these before! They are prose poems taken from To Our Alien Overlords. As you note, the moth is tenacious. He (or she) does indeed take a breath in advance of the plunge, and goes on to drink strange things on the Moon – to be encouraged, as you rightly note! I think the moth may well acquire a gender, I’d not thought of that.
The frog has very likely been drinking strange things, and finds itself approving of everything these days. The frog’s end is saddening, but that is apparently what happened.
Cheerie,
John
Hello Lia,
How nice to see you back and commenting! Aesop is splendid and it is nice to hear fo your holiday reading. Thank you for your kind words about my tone and my curious thoughts. I shall look at cut it with a knife – I like your alternative – and thank you for finding a subtle rhyming pattern in #1! I’m not sure that was conscious, but I do work in rhyme and assonance. I shall also look at your second proposed edit. I wrote the poem watching a moth circle a lamp with the Moon above, so that was the germ of it.
Ah, the Approving Frog! He sprang fully formed from my head like the goddess Athena. He is indeed very agreeable – my take is that he feels in charge of everything that goes down, to the point of his own demise. My wife Rita remembers the king in The Little Prince who does more or less likewise, and that may have been an unconscious influence. But really, I like just to leave him on the page for the reader. As you rightly say, a few meanings can be found. Also, woo-hoo, herons and frogs!
I’m interested in your idea of anchoring the frog’s comments. I think he would address some abstract entity, as you suggest with the pond. Perhaps God? Or the heavens? I’m unsure. I’m glad you enjoyed them, they were fun to write!
Cheers,
John
How nice to see you back and commenting! Aesop is splendid and it is nice to hear fo your holiday reading. Thank you for your kind words about my tone and my curious thoughts. I shall look at cut it with a knife – I like your alternative – and thank you for finding a subtle rhyming pattern in #1! I’m not sure that was conscious, but I do work in rhyme and assonance. I shall also look at your second proposed edit. I wrote the poem watching a moth circle a lamp with the Moon above, so that was the germ of it.
Ah, the Approving Frog! He sprang fully formed from my head like the goddess Athena. He is indeed very agreeable – my take is that he feels in charge of everything that goes down, to the point of his own demise. My wife Rita remembers the king in The Little Prince who does more or less likewise, and that may have been an unconscious influence. But really, I like just to leave him on the page for the reader. As you rightly say, a few meanings can be found. Also, woo-hoo, herons and frogs!
I’m interested in your idea of anchoring the frog’s comments. I think he would address some abstract entity, as you suggest with the pond. Perhaps God? Or the heavens? I’m unsure. I’m glad you enjoyed them, they were fun to write!
Cheers,
John
Greetings, John,jisbell00 wrote: ↑Sun Aug 20, 2023 11:06 pmGreetings, Fliss and Coo,
You may indeed have read these before! They are prose poems taken from To Our Alien Overlords. As you note, the moth is tenacious. He (or she) does indeed take a breath in advance of the plunge, and goes on to drink strange things on the Moon – to be encouraged, as you rightly note! I think the moth may well acquire a gender, I’d not thought of that.
The frog has very likely been drinking strange things, and finds itself approving of everything these days. The frog’s end is saddening, but that is apparently what happened.
Cheerie,
John
Ooh yes, the Aliens again, hooray. We're pleased to see that the moth has become female. Perhaps the frog could be male? We note that, in your response to Lia, you speak of the frog as male (^v^)
A frog he would a-wooing go...
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
(^v^)