Nocturne
The sleepers on their pillows have begun
their quiet tasks, as has the starry vault
that reaches to infinity – for this
is very late at night. And every object
in every dwelling is restored from use
to being – chair and table, fork and knife,
ceiling and wall. The things that we have built
part company from us, while in their dreams,
the dreamers labor. There are things to do
that make no sense - yet these are full of weight,
like a first kiss, a first step into air.
Above us all, in Heaven, cherubim
are serving God. The dead all sing His praise
in slow polyphony. And for the pure,
the sight of Earth is strange. How can the fallen
so love their neighbor? Is it grace that lays
one brick upon another? And the leap
of faith and trust, can it be rational?
Can we thus gamble in the mire – to bend
the unstrung bow, to take the outstretched hand?
We slumber on, and all that hunts at night
will find us helpless. As the watching stars
burn hydrogen to iron, and the round
that is our solar system does not end,
so we create the world anew. It is
fragile and beautiful – an edifice
built in this night and every night, the hour
the sun departs and darkness falls again.
In that cloud-castle where each airy hall
is nonexistent, every soul on Earth
forgets the dark. We are a thing of fire,
not dust in fact, and we burn true. We sleep
because we dream. We rise into the light.
Nocturne
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7424
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
the dreamers labor. There are things to do
which make no sense, and these are full of weight, - "yet" instead of "these"?
like a first kiss, a first step into air.
I think the first stanza is terrific but "like a first kiss" I'm not convinced by. Do people dream of first kisses? Perhaps sleeping princesses, maybe that's what you have in mind. I like the third stanza very much too. I'm not really sure what you're saying in the 2nd, the questions don't seem to me the sort that would be asked by those on high.
which make no sense, and these are full of weight, - "yet" instead of "these"?
like a first kiss, a first step into air.
I think the first stanza is terrific but "like a first kiss" I'm not convinced by. Do people dream of first kisses? Perhaps sleeping princesses, maybe that's what you have in mind. I like the third stanza very much too. I'm not really sure what you're saying in the 2nd, the questions don't seem to me the sort that would be asked by those on high.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Hi Ray, Phil,
Thanks for the visits! We're flying from Austin to Boston today, so busy times, but I will take a look at what can be done with S2. The poem is a bit long as well. I may find the heavens interesting, but I can't expect that of my readers.
Cheers,
John
Thanks for the visits! We're flying from Austin to Boston today, so busy times, but I will take a look at what can be done with S2. The poem is a bit long as well. I may find the heavens interesting, but I can't expect that of my readers.
Cheers,
John
Greetings, John!
This has potential for Amethyst, we think. We'll start with just a few notes, to see whether that's useful...
S1 L2: does 'their quiet tasks' refer to tasks performed in dreams?
S1 LL4–7: the BirdBrains struggle to cast 'ceiling and wall' as mere being following daytime usage. That might be because our interactions with these things are less conscious than with the other objects, perhaps.
S1 L10: we suggest 'that' in place of 'which' here.
S2 L3: the 'slow polyphony' is a highlight of the poem
S2 LL3–9: Are these all questions asked by 'the pure'?
S3 L1: we like the science bit.
S3 L7: 'cloud-castle' is another highlight.
It isn't much, but we'll return if need be. We like the title too; we think of Chopin's piano pieces (*v*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
This has potential for Amethyst, we think. We'll start with just a few notes, to see whether that's useful...
S1 L2: does 'their quiet tasks' refer to tasks performed in dreams?
S1 LL4–7: the BirdBrains struggle to cast 'ceiling and wall' as mere being following daytime usage. That might be because our interactions with these things are less conscious than with the other objects, perhaps.
S1 L10: we suggest 'that' in place of 'which' here.
S2 L3: the 'slow polyphony' is a highlight of the poem
S2 LL3–9: Are these all questions asked by 'the pure'?
S3 L1: we like the science bit.
S3 L7: 'cloud-castle' is another highlight.
It isn't much, but we'll return if need be. We like the title too; we think of Chopin's piano pieces (*v*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Greetings, FLiss and Coo,
Thank you for the Amethyst suggestion! They've published a little of my work, so one never knows.
The quiet tasks are indeed in dream. Ceiling and wall frame our lives, but are just bricks and mortar in the end, joists and beams. The whole material world reduces to being when we sleep, since we are its source of meaning.
Thanks for the that! Duly edited. Glad you liked the slow polyphony, not a bit that appealed to all. And yes, these are the pure's (i.e. the dead's) questions about the living. They have forgotten.
Glad you like the science bit! And the cloud-castle.
Yup, I thought of Chopin too in choosing the title, so you are in excellent company!! Again 100% on target.
Hi Ray, Phil -
I am still wondering what to do with S2. I am undecided, so thank you both for spurring me to thought. As for that first kiss, I think it's a thing that has weight, its primary criterion, and sure, why not run into it in dream where many things are possible?
Cheerie,
John
Thank you for the Amethyst suggestion! They've published a little of my work, so one never knows.
The quiet tasks are indeed in dream. Ceiling and wall frame our lives, but are just bricks and mortar in the end, joists and beams. The whole material world reduces to being when we sleep, since we are its source of meaning.
Thanks for the that! Duly edited. Glad you liked the slow polyphony, not a bit that appealed to all. And yes, these are the pure's (i.e. the dead's) questions about the living. They have forgotten.
Glad you like the science bit! And the cloud-castle.
Yup, I thought of Chopin too in choosing the title, so you are in excellent company!! Again 100% on target.
Hi Ray, Phil -
I am still wondering what to do with S2. I am undecided, so thank you both for spurring me to thought. As for that first kiss, I think it's a thing that has weight, its primary criterion, and sure, why not run into it in dream where many things are possible?
Cheerie,
John
Greetings, John,
You're welcome for that suggestion; yes, we recall your published work (*v*)
Thank-coos for your responses to our notes. We're pleased to have helped, and hooray for the cloud-castle, an expression worthy of a symphonic poem (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
You're welcome for that suggestion; yes, we recall your published work (*v*)
Thank-coos for your responses to our notes. We're pleased to have helped, and hooray for the cloud-castle, an expression worthy of a symphonic poem (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Greetings, FLiss and Coo,
You did indeed help! As is your wont.
Cloud-castle ... I can't think if I pinched that somewhere, though Joni Mitchell has "fairy canyons in the air," for clouds, so I'd guess that was perhaps my source.
Cheers,
John
You did indeed help! As is your wont.
Cloud-castle ... I can't think if I pinched that somewhere, though Joni Mitchell has "fairy canyons in the air," for clouds, so I'd guess that was perhaps my source.
Cheers,
John
(^v^)