Beacon of Love: Version Two
I want to dip my heart in fire –
and if it burns, then I’ll begin
to feel the heat that you desire:
the price of dreams; the light within.
I want to tumble in the void –
then, planet-like, I’ll feel your sun
near, but untouchable. Destroyed
by love and faith like anyone,
I’ll be below and not above.
I’ll make the pitch and not the sale.
I'll meet the eagle and the dove.
My burning heart will tell its tale.
Beacon of Love: Version One
I want to dip my heart in fire –
and if it burns, then I’ll begin
to feel the heat that you desire:
the price of dreams; the light within.
I want to tumble in the void –
then, planet-like, I’ll feel your sun
near, but untouchable. Destroyed
by love and faith like anyone,
I’ll be above and not below.
I’ll make the pitch and not the sale.
I’ll step and have no place to go.
My burning heart will tell its tale.
Beacon of Love
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7424
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
I thought it was going really well up until the end of line 7 - Destroyed by love and faith... just felt tame, as did the final stanza.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Hi Ray,
I'm glad you liked the opening stanzas! I quite like L8, but I do see what you mean about the closing stanza, where i like L2 and L4, but L1 and L3 feel a bit fillery. I don't know, mysticism is a tricky thing. Above and not below has resonance for me, because I perceive supernatural meaning to them. But that doesn't mean my readers see it that way.
Cheers,
John
I'm glad you liked the opening stanzas! I quite like L8, but I do see what you mean about the closing stanza, where i like L2 and L4, but L1 and L3 feel a bit fillery. I don't know, mysticism is a tricky thing. Above and not below has resonance for me, because I perceive supernatural meaning to them. But that doesn't mean my readers see it that way.
Cheers,
John
Greetings John,
We remember this one; if memory serves, it expresses N's commitment to a deity. I think we got stuck on 'the pitch and not the sale', as it took us from metaphysics to business rather unexpectedly. But we might have misunderstood, then and now. The rhythm 'n' rhyme are well maintained throughout, and we enjoyed the imagery (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
We remember this one; if memory serves, it expresses N's commitment to a deity. I think we got stuck on 'the pitch and not the sale', as it took us from metaphysics to business rather unexpectedly. But we might have misunderstood, then and now. The rhythm 'n' rhyme are well maintained throughout, and we enjoyed the imagery (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Good evening, FLiss and Coo,
Your take on the poem is in fact very close to AF's take, as I recall, a year or two ago when I first wrote it. He found it mystical.
I'm glad the music of the piece speaks to you. I like the line "the pitch and not the sale," but I'm not sure this is the poem where the line belongs. I am thinking I may need to rework the whole closing stanza...
Cheerie,
John
Your take on the poem is in fact very close to AF's take, as I recall, a year or two ago when I first wrote it. He found it mystical.
I'm glad the music of the piece speaks to you. I like the line "the pitch and not the sale," but I'm not sure this is the poem where the line belongs. I am thinking I may need to rework the whole closing stanza...
Cheerie,
John
Good evening, John,
At the name of AF,
Coo begins to twirl (^v^)
Concentrate, Coo! Yes, we recall that take, we think. Now, let's consider the variant S3. You've retained your pitch and sale; this makes for something of a combo of mystical and earthly elements, to our minds. However, we're not sure we've entirely understood N's positions at S3 L1 and indeed through that final stanza. There's a sense of not having made the grade, yet it seems N has succeeded based on the aims set out in S1. To have faith is ever to strive, perhaps. We apologise if we're not making sense; it has been a long day in the office again (*&*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
At the name of AF,
Coo begins to twirl (^v^)
Concentrate, Coo! Yes, we recall that take, we think. Now, let's consider the variant S3. You've retained your pitch and sale; this makes for something of a combo of mystical and earthly elements, to our minds. However, we're not sure we've entirely understood N's positions at S3 L1 and indeed through that final stanza. There's a sense of not having made the grade, yet it seems N has succeeded based on the aims set out in S1. To have faith is ever to strive, perhaps. We apologise if we're not making sense; it has been a long day in the office again (*&*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Greetings, FLiss and twirly Coo!
I think the nature of the faithful is to be below and not above. When above, one might say, faith is no longer needed. Thus, the sun and planet in S2. At lesat, it seems that way to me. Pitch and sale also suggests a sort of incompleteness to the process - to my mind, your words are precisely right: "To have faith is ever to strive, perhaps." I think that's it.
Of course, I'm not sure the edit improved this!
Cheerie,
John
I think the nature of the faithful is to be below and not above. When above, one might say, faith is no longer needed. Thus, the sun and planet in S2. At lesat, it seems that way to me. Pitch and sale also suggests a sort of incompleteness to the process - to my mind, your words are precisely right: "To have faith is ever to strive, perhaps." I think that's it.
Of course, I'm not sure the edit improved this!
Cheerie,
John
Greetings, John!
Coo continues to twirl, pleased to have landed on the right spot here. We're just thinking about the glove line at the moment. Perhaps predictably, Coo wonders whether you might like to rewrite the line to accommodate 'dove', but that is for you (*v*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Coo continues to twirl, pleased to have landed on the right spot here. We're just thinking about the glove line at the moment. Perhaps predictably, Coo wonders whether you might like to rewrite the line to accommodate 'dove', but that is for you (*v*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
(^v^)