I Thought I Could Dance

[AnnaBonjourCadenza]

I thought I could dance and
I thought I’d be free
to dance anywhere that I
happened to be.

The rhythm felt natural,
I’d mastered the tune
so who could but love to watch
me twirling through?

Of course, in the place where I’m from,
it’s not easy
to dance with abandon
and not come off cheesy.

But I think our culture’s
aversion to dairy
has cost us the joy of
plain fun without caring.

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Anna,
not feeling the natural rhythm on this one (verse 2 especially.)

I thought I could dance and
I thought I’d be free
to dance whenever
the mood took me.

That said, I quite like the ending, but don't you really need to set up that joke earlier in the piece? There's a lactose intolerance play in there somewhere, I'm sure of it.
Why not just concentrate on the last two verses?


In the place where I’m from,
it's never been easy
to dance with abandon
and not come off cheesy.

I blame our whole culture’s
aversion to dairy
it's soured the joy of
plain fun without caring.


Regards, Not

.

[ray miller]

It could do with a better rhythm, especially in 2nd verse, as Not says. I had a go myself

I thought I could dance
I thought I’d be free
to dance anywhere
I happened to be.

I’d mastered the rhythm,
I was into the groove
so who could but love
to watch me twirling through?

Of course, where I’m from,
it’s never easy
to dance with abandon
and not come off cheesy.

But I think our culture’s
aversion to dairy
has cost us the joy of
plain fun without caring.

[ton321]

Hi Anna

I like the connection between cheesy and dairy maybe dairy to rhyme with contrary?

But I think our culture’s
aversion to dairy
has cost us the joy of
milking the contrary?

just a different way of looking at the last line lol

Tony

[AnnaBonjourCadenza]

Thanks Everybody!
I'll work on the rhythm. And Not, I like the idea of using just the last two verses, and "soured" is a nice addition, too.