Appleby Lane.
The morning sound of hoofbeats,
Peel River winds it's way,
Green willow trees make their shade,
Cattle graze beside it's banks!
A railway line that use to be,
deserted now from use,
Further on the sloping hills,
I ride this dusty lane.
Appleby Lane.
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Duncan Williams.
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:09 am
- Location: Po box 562, Randwick. NSW. Australia. 2031.
I agree with the above comments - correct about 'used'.
Starting off with the 'hoof beats' sets the topic and the rhythm of the poem matches the idea, we ride along at a canter.
It's a brief, neat picture. Each line is a statement adding something to the scene. It works here but it's a method not to be overdone.
'Deserted now from use' is an awkward expression. The rest of the poem reads easily; can you smooth that line a bit? Good effort, look forward to more. Leslie.
Starting off with the 'hoof beats' sets the topic and the rhythm of the poem matches the idea, we ride along at a canter.
It's a brief, neat picture. Each line is a statement adding something to the scene. It works here but it's a method not to be overdone.
'Deserted now from use' is an awkward expression. The rest of the poem reads easily; can you smooth that line a bit? Good effort, look forward to more. Leslie.
I liked this poem, It made me think of Robert Graves' work. I liked the:
"The morning sound of hoofbeats"
I think this was a strong, imaginative beginning. Perhaps some run on lines would help to vary the tempo abit? Just a thought.
Cheers,
Ashley.
"The morning sound of hoofbeats"
I think this was a strong, imaginative beginning. Perhaps some run on lines would help to vary the tempo abit? Just a thought.
Cheers,
Ashley.
