Your neck
long slender and smooth,
an introduction,
to your face too fair.
Tainted with anguish
somehow enhanced
by loves cruel dance.
Pain
driven by love,
to hurt is to live
an explanation perhaps
to feel is to be
how you hurt me
a figure
caressed by ambient light
a shadow
thrown by one bulb
endless female grace
peerless foot to face
laughter
medicine from within,
healing for the soul
twisted by others
loves price
through failure
your hair
the worms finest work,
a framework
fine art encased,
too often tied back
as is your heart
me
words my only tool
love my only will
too often your fool
your flesh
my thrill
not sure about this. tried to uncomplicate it and just ended up confused. help!
a desription
I think that other posters might appreciate a crit or two from you. It's expected that you write at least two crits per poem you post - you may find that you'll get more response from others if you take some time to respond to their work.
cheers
Barrie
cheers
Barrie
i like the first few lines of the poem, but after that it seems to get a little cliche, especaily the second stanza, if it was up to me i'd get rid of it all together, but thats just my opinion. the third stanza is good, but the fourth and the last stanzas seem to let it down, try to show more and tell less, i know that its hard... but just try, or reword them. i like the 5th stanza it is almost suprising the word 'worms' and a love poem does not often appear.
well, good luck, have fun, (f i can say that
)
well, good luck, have fun, (f i can say that
)