Poetry Forum

The Mysteries

Beech trees whispered with
their summer breath
inviting us to dance.
You kicked off your cheap high heels
and sank your toes into the grass.

I held your waist
and lifted you high
in the moon-flower fragranced air,
span you round then set you down,
pulling the ribbon from your hair.

You put an arm around me
and slipped your hand in mine
and so we stood,
motionless a while,
then as to a calling in the blood,
you stepped away and danced.

You moved to an ancient rhythm
riding the maenad flow,
the free and frenzied weaving
of a harmony I can't know.

Then when the dance
was done with you,
when your passion had been spent
you took your ribbon from me
and tied it round my wrist.

As warm fat rain began to fall,
the sky and trees' applause,
you laughed and shrugged
and led me home.

Really liked this Calxaed. The only quibble I had with it was the end of the 4th - "of a harmony I can't know" felt a bit forced to me. Other than that I thought it should be in the experienced section. "As warm fat rain began to fall" - love it.
Nice one.
Mick

I loved it.......
I could see well into it, heres the but bit,
i do agree with mick, stumbled slightly over;

(of a harmony i can't know)........how about....(of a harmony i'd like to know?) also... and tied it around my wrist?????????

Other than that super

Thanks for reading this. I think you're both right about 'of a harmony I can't know', the rhyme does seem forced, althought the sentiment it expresses is important to the meaning I'm trying to convey. It was challenging to come up with a line that said something like that, which rhymed and kept up the rhythmn. I'll have another go.
As for the ribbon round the wrist, again it is a bit awkward, but the break with the rhyme scheme and rhythm was deliberate, I needed her to do something with it that symbolised her taking it back and then regiving it. Any ideas?

I really liked it

favourite bit was the last stanza particularly

As warm fat rain began to fall,
the sky and trees' applause

really nice tone to the poem

benjy

p.s. whats a Maenad flow?

Cheers, a maenad is the same as a Bachinate, a follower of Dionysus(Bacchus). From wikipaedia 'The mysteries of Dionysus inspired the women to ecstatic frenzy; they indulged in copious amounts of violence, bloodletting, sex and self-intoxication and mutilation. They were usually pictured as crowned with vine leaves, clothed in fawnskins and carrying the thyrsus, and dancing with the wild abandonment of complete union with primeval nature.'
The connotaition I had in mind is more the dancing with wild abandonment rather than blood letting and mutilation.
I just thought maenad flow sounded cool.

you took your ribbon from me
and threw it to the wind
AC

I thought maenad flow was cool too - the flow of the wine / flow of the dance.
Forgot to mention that.
Mick.

Hi, Calxaed.

I liked this , especially (along with everyone else) "warm fat rain".

This line seemed a little tortuous to me:
"then as to a calling in the blood,"

wrt "harmony"
- how about "descant" ? (You end up with a tongue twister, though )

Nice one
Geoff

I'd agree with two left feet about the calling of the blood line, their could be something sharper their maybe.....

benjy

Intereresting that you mentioned beech trees. The Maenads, who worshipped Dionysus, used to eat 'amanita muscaria' mushrooms (as well as wine and ivy beer) to achieve their ecstatic frenzy - these are extremely hallucinogenic, and were widely used throughout the near East and Europe - probably giving rise to the notion of 'ambrosia', the food of the Gods, mainly reserved for the shamanic priesthood. This particular mushroom is mainly found growing under beech trees - I just wondered if you had linked Maenads and beech trees deliberately, or was it coincidence (intuition). Mushrooms were believed to be engendered by lightening, as was Dionysus.

nice one

Barrie

Liked the images in this. I also liked the change of pace and tone with the laughter and the shrug at the end. I do feel the line 'when your passion had been spent' is superfluous. But that may just be me? For me it has the ring of those churned out romance novels and I didn't feel it sat well in the poem.

Shijin.