Love - Dont rush it!

[fourpoetry]

Long but worth the read I hope, something to think about when going home to see your true love!

He parks his car,
Outside of her home.
His heart is pumping,
Can already hear her groan.

She patiently awaits,
For her love to knock her door.
She's heard his car pull up,
Her blood; flowing more and more.

He gets out of his car,
And gently pushes the door to.
Making little noise,
He walks the gate through.

She can hear the creek,
Of that old wooden gate.
Scared it will slam,
And her parents would awake.

He softens the sound,
Of the old warn out catch.
So dark the small walkway,
He lights up a match.

She can see a flicker of light,
Through her doors glass pane.
It’s the flicker of a match,
The golden, warm flame.

He blows out the light,
With his gentle soft lips.
His heart is playing games,
Continuously doing flips.

She approaches the door,
And opens it gently.
They meet once again,
But far more friendly.

They are once again,
Together once more.
Last night was similar,
But they lye on the floor.

They made love again,
So gentle; so true.
Hearts are linked together,
Through and through.

This couple are made,
To be forever a flare.
Just look in the hearts,
Of this kind loving pair.

Don’t rush into love,
Take it as you may.
Just like this beautiful couple,
Living each day by day.


----

[barrie]

fourpoetry

you are supposed to offer up at least two crits for each poem you post.

thanks

Barrie

[cameron]

fourpoetry,

I've removed your URL. Please don't plug your site on here. Might be an idea if you read through the rules first - assuming you intend to stick around that is.

Thanks
Cam

[raedaljishi@]

I liked the storyline
And the hole love scene

But I don’t think that you need to repeat the meaning
Or to explain to the readers what they already know

You don’t need to say

( It’s the flicker of a match)

because you mentioned that

(He lights up a match).


And you don’t need to say

(
They are once again,
Together once more.)

because you said
(They meet once again,
But far more friendly).

Thank you