Poetry Forum

I like the double meaning that you have enclosed in this poem caged bird and the human feeling trapped.
Well done
Thank you

Minim

Yes, the feeling of "life in a cage" comes across very well here, so I'd be tempted to cut the last line because it just states openly the feeling you've already managed to paint.

Mick

I think you are right Mick, and will delete the last line. Thank you xxxxx

minim wrote:Feathers dull and tattered, eyes covered by a dazed film,

The caged bird balances precariously on the edge of the abyss.

With stale seed for sustenance, and standing water for its thirst,

It lives a life of boredom, solitude and sadness.


From where it sits, it can see through a window into another world,

Where birds soar and dip on currents of air, flocking together

Singing for all the world to hear.

With bright eyes and glistening feathers, they gleam in the sunlight.

And it remembers, and yearns,

To be free once more…

as do I.

On the other hand, maybe the last line is all right. The poem is
explicit enough, you might as well finish the thought.

After all, this could be turned easily into a highly ironic work
if at the end, you substitute for the last line something like:

To be free once more...

In its ennui it pushes accidentally against the
door. It opens and the bird flies free out the
window, finds it's worm, and
promptly,
is eaten by a cat.

I bet that gave the cat stomach ache !