Poetry Forum

Posted: **Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:10 pm**

Such things of great potential
Beauty love innate so true
To look within thyself
To realise I am, as you..

Posted: **Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:34 pm**

Welcome on board.

Had me reading this several times to get the gist of it. Although I like what I think it is saying, you could make it easier for me by using punctuation - I think it needs it. (Not that all poems do.) You have left it with different meanings, not all of which make sense.

I have a little gripe with the 3rd line:

To look within thyself

"Thyself" is probably the wrong choice as we (hopefully) don't still speak like this in normal conversation anymore. This is the language of fundamentalist prayer meetings when addressing the lord - memories I have not quite repressed enough. "Yourself" would be better.

Good first (oops - second?) post though
Cheers
Dave

Just noticed you've not caught up with your crits and you've been posting too many. You know how to fix it.

Posted: **Thu Jan 25, 2007 9:46 am**

Many thanks for the feedback...

Only ever wrote for my little book, will be nice to try and improve with feedback from people who actually have some knowledge of poetry...

Posted: **Sun Jan 28, 2007 11:20 pm**

i like it, it sounds like a nice quote

Posted: **Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:07 am**

Yes, i agree with Heinrich, it does sound like a nice quote...
is Beauty and love suposed to have a comma between them?
great post