my room

[heinrich]

to make my bed
is like a dream
i don't know why
it is like pumpkin pie

one time a week
is ok i think
mom said it is enough
for the floor to have stuff

i try to keep tidy
my clothes and books
mom is coming now
to take a looks

[kozmikdave]

Ah

The English in this one is much more readable than your cat poem and also shows a good sense of humour. Yep, I liked it.

Only quibble was the final "s" in "looks" - make it "look". Only once a week - your mum is very tolerant.

Cheers
Dave

[heinrich]

books does not rhyme with look!

[kozmikdave]

books does not rhyme with look!

true - but "looks" makes no sense. It is an imperfect rhyme but it works because the "s" in "books" is not too dominant. Don't get too driven by rhyme.

Cheers
Dave

[dedalus]

mom is coming now
to take a looks

why not change to

mom is coming now
to see how it looks

same meaning, plus the grammar is OK!

[(my) boastful! murmur?]

maybe swap books or looks...
...but i like...its a sweet one...

i can just imagine u scribbling it down with the sound of your mothers foot steps coming up the stairs.