Poetry Forum

In the semi-light
Words form before expected
And hairs of brightness brush
Thin letters on the page.

There in the semi-dark
Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light

'Words form before expected', doesn't make grammatical sense. You could use, 'words form unexpectedly' (or 'suddenly' - 'surprisingly').

'Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light' -

- I like the idea of this, although I'm not quite sure why you used 'between windows'.

semi-light
semi- dark(ness) - Half full or half-empty.

nice one

Barrie

Hi Yesterday,

Words form before expected

Is this what you mean? : Words are formed before they are expected to be formed.

And hairs of brightness brush
Thin letters on the page.

I like this image too much.

Thanks for the nice piece.
Cheers,
SEDA.

Precisly Adour, i was origonally discribing my writing on paper, as i was writing the words formed fast from my pen than i my brain suposed they would.

Barrie, i am not entirely sure why i used between windows... it seemed to fit in with the streetlight, as in neighbors over the road, although that is a long way for laughter to travel, but perhaps on a still night.

Thankyou for your comments, i'm glad you liked it.

P.s. does anyone have any idea of how to publish their poems, like magazines or something, my options are limited to the website and though i really apreacite all of the critque i would liked to more publicise my work, if its any good.

Beautiful first verse..

But to me the 2nd didnt do it justice....

Just my opinion

Hi Yesterday...

I enjoyed the poem. Your writing here is short and compact. I do enjoy short poems as well.

An image of the writer producing his words in the first stanza, w/:
Words form before expected/And hairs of brightness brush/Thin letters on the page. Introspection is apparent in the beginning of this piece.

Following in the second stanza with the writer taking senses, feelings from the outside: "laughter twinkles softly/Between windows, and flickers"

Also there is a real sense of time with this poem. As the day comes to an end : In the semi-light . Then it is night: There in the semi-dark

Nice work.

heidi

Greybald.... you are correct, the second orignoally went

There in the semi-dark
small smile touches mine
and murmers settle gently
in thickened shadows.

But that was not the effect i was going for, i was more foucsing on the sens of writing as it turns to dark (the first verse, and then the second i was more aware of what was around me)
Perhaps this is why the second verse does 'do it justice'... im not sure...

Very nice. Nothing to critique.


-marten

There in the semi-dark
Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows, and flickers
In the street light


thats a really nice line

'Laughter twinkles softly
Between windows' thats very nice

(sorry, im not much of a critic)

thats ok... i still apreciate your apreciatation...