I wrote this poem when I was a victim of domestic violence - I am no longer in this situation.
You, the lion
hot with rage and fierce pursuit -
proud, determined,
strong.
I, the prey
with no means to my exit
see you,
hide,
'till you are gone.
Because I'm hidden deep,
you cannot find me.
So I, the timid,
breathe in sweet relief.
And you,
the now-triumphant hunter,
move on, still firm in your belief.
Yet I am not slain, my love,
only resting...
You The Lion, I The Prey
The extra deeper meaning applied to oneslef in the aspect of hiding/retreating is so well captured here and lends to the sinnister subject, as well in keeping with the metaphor you chose. I Really like this and am pleased that this is no longer a situation for you!Because I'm hidden deep,
you cannot find me.
So I, the timid,
breathe in sweet relief.
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Shepherdess
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HI
Glad your out of the sutuation
Its always good to put things down, if only to remind you why you got out.
good poem
Keep writting
Karen
Glad your out of the sutuation
Its always good to put things down, if only to remind you why you got out.
good poem
Keep writting
Karen
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beautifulloser
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Hey Lu
Like it:
"Yet I am not slain, my love,
only resting..."
Great ending, there's a quiet confidence in the ending, like you've lost the battle but not the war. Has a, and I am by no means trivialising or joking, but a sort of "I will survive" aspect to it, which turns the poem on it's head and stops it from being what could of been a depressing read, it actually has a faint hint of optimism at the end I found.
No crits on the writing, it's delivered with solid imagery that is well chosen and juxtaposes the thoughts, emotions, perceptions of that situation and suits the subject well.
Quick Edit: One constructive crit actually, not sure about the title. A bit, hmmm, traditional or something like that I am not sure, there's something about the title that is a bit, naff.
However, it's just the title, the content is really very good!
Nice one
BL
x
Like it:
"Yet I am not slain, my love,
only resting..."
Great ending, there's a quiet confidence in the ending, like you've lost the battle but not the war. Has a, and I am by no means trivialising or joking, but a sort of "I will survive" aspect to it, which turns the poem on it's head and stops it from being what could of been a depressing read, it actually has a faint hint of optimism at the end I found.
No crits on the writing, it's delivered with solid imagery that is well chosen and juxtaposes the thoughts, emotions, perceptions of that situation and suits the subject well.
Quick Edit: One constructive crit actually, not sure about the title. A bit, hmmm, traditional or something like that I am not sure, there's something about the title that is a bit, naff.
However, it's just the title, the content is really very good!Nice one
BL
x
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
I'm reading this on two levels - the literal and the figurative.
Literal - he came over to your place looking for you and you pretended you weren't in, and he left
Figurative - he tried to engage your mind (bullying you, being sarcastic) and you gave in, didn't show your real emotions, just played it with a straight face (you "hid" the real you). He thought he'd subdued you once again, and confident in his "victory" he let you be for a while
I prefer the latter version
Excellent piece!
Literal - he came over to your place looking for you and you pretended you weren't in, and he left
Figurative - he tried to engage your mind (bullying you, being sarcastic) and you gave in, didn't show your real emotions, just played it with a straight face (you "hid" the real you). He thought he'd subdued you once again, and confident in his "victory" he let you be for a while
I prefer the latter version
Excellent piece!
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Amadeus
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Amazing line. I think it sums up the relationship here. The abuse is obviously prominent, as is the living around the abuse. But, there is still something there in that guy that you loved. Am I off the mark here?Yet I am not slain, my love,
only resting...
By the way, I agree with what was said about the title.
Gareth