Baby sister

[donjuaninhell]

Baby sister
I could never be the one
to give you all those
affirmations
to replace lost stars
and Saturday
morning cartoons

Baby sister
I'm writing you now
just to tell you I'm better
than I've ever felt
before, and
someday you'll find a way
to tell me all the words
inside your heart
that you shouted at walls

Baby sister
i hope you like
where you're living
now that everything's gone wrong
i can't come to see you
but i'll imagine you're
dancing in pastel skirts
on the front lawn

*mp3 will come shortly, I just have to record it.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

I'd like to hear the recorded version of this. At the moment I'm counting lines and looking for a pattern (my hang-up). It is not yet apparent to me so I just have to wait.

The subject is a good one and until the end of the final stanza, you had me with you. I feel the same about my daughters. Want to help but don't want to get in the way of their decisions.

In the last verse, while I think I know what you are trying to communicate, I feel it might have been expressed differently. It's just the image of a girl-in-trouble-dancing-on-the-front-lawn seems incongruous. I think what you might be trying to say, is that you console yourself with the vision of her dancing (maybe from the past). please correct me if I'm wrong.

Baby sister
i hope you like
where you're living
now that everything's gone wrong
i can't come to see you
but i'll imagine you're
dancing in pastel skirts
on the front lawn

Look forward to hearing it.