Connubial

[J.R.Pearson]

Connubial

Our bodies speak to one another
with silence.

Not in the primal language,
not the syntax of sex nor
the homonyms of individual touch.
But in the low moment when your
heart mumbling is a cipher
translated to warmth that brags bent ferns
after night rain. Eats into a place where
the unpronounceable thought settles hip
deep into black soil, pours warm water
and watches it fill & drain, passes through filter
flesh to still movement. Reverse--

Yellow-orange shifts the room a half-turn,
you step away & up, strands snap
back to your luminous mouth, jerked from
gravity, framing cheek bones, eyes: pause.

Here language is distilled pure.

The Brahmanas of body.
It's the distance between your eyelashes,
the way one hand is on your
hip, the other on your chin
that articulates what I know most.
What you never need to say.

[beautifulloser]

Hey JR

First up. Well, I thought this was really well written, a very good effort indeed.

The first stanza is excellent, great choice of words that I thought perfectly articulated not just the symbolic act of marriage but any deep rooted connection you can have with another human being.

"syntax of sex " - nice one, like it. Can I pinch that for an album title? What was it Dali said, "good artists borrow, great artists steal"(?)! And let me tell you, I am, er, rubbish so can I borrow it?

Also, I really liked:

"heart mumbling is a cipher
translated to warmth that brags bent ferns
after night rain" - a cipher only you can decipher - perfect, speaks volumes to anyone who's in a relationship they want to be in

I liked the aesthetics of stanza 2, however I did not quite understand "Yellow-orange shifts the room a half-turn"??, I thought I would just glance over it but after the third read and still not being able to understand what the "Yellow-orange" is, bothers me. Can you elaborate?

"Here language is distilled pure. " - Great line I thought - was she pulling that menacing, disapproving look? Sounds like you're in trouble Sir(?) Or is she "up the duff"?

Also, I did not understand "The Brahmanas of body". Have read a little on Brahma, but I looked it up int he dictionary and that did not clarify either - I went back to my my own knowledge on the subject which is very limited, and drew the conclusion that she is the creator (as women are of course it could be argued) - my interpretation right there?

But the rest of the last stanza is is great, I can picture the pose now. The ending is very good as well, takes you back to where you started - bodies talking in silence.

So, in summary. I thought this was very good, enjoyed all three reads very much but there seems to me to be a few ambigutities which perhaps a more experienced reader would understand but those as elabroated above need some augmentation to diambigufy the context or meaning of the imagery which frankly was lost on me - but that's no bad thing, I have only been writing poetry for a few months.

Thanks for posting JR

BL
x

[Amadeus]

Very nicely written. But, this may be just me here though, I disagree with the use of "Our bodies speak to each other". Everything else is written so beautifully, but this kind of brings that down. I know the effect of a simple statement can be alluring, but personally, I felt that this made the peom a bit amateurish. Upon being greeted with it, it reminded me of old cliche's like "two hearts beating as one" etc. However, I'll leave that to others, and of course yourself, to discuss.

Gareth

[Jester]

Hi JR. It's been a while since I was on here but I'll do my best. I'm not sure whether or not I agree with Gareth about the "Our bodies speak to one another" as it's followed up by "with silence". Did you agonise about whether to use "through silence"?

I really enjoyed
"Eats into a place where
the unpronounceable thought settles hip
deep into black soil"
There were other highlights as already mentioned by BL, but I was thrown by the arrangement a little. I'm not sure the "Reverse--" and the "pause." work very well and feel you'd be better without them.
I had to find some quibble with this fine piece of work
Nice one.

Mick