To Rodeo Riders.

[Duncan Williams.]

To Rodeo Riders.


They come from all the stations,
Which are near and far between,
And towns to seek their glory,
For the best were ever seen.
They know what is their challenge,
Maybe first or second place,
And the champions of riders,
With a type of sour face.

From the novice to the open,
They all seem to be good mates,
And the buckin bulls and horses,
Go wild from out the gates.
The time is round eight seconds,
That they ride or either fall,
But the love of what their doing,
Is the answer to it all.

Behind a chute it's calm and patient,
As each rider waits their turn,
And they'll give advise and courage,
To the ones that have to learn.
The clowns are there in action,
To help the riders through,
Cause the bulls get mighty fiery,
In a splendid job they do.

And the crowd you'll hear them cheering,
As each rider spurs it out,
To gain the points thats needed,
Is what it's all about.
Their hats are shaped to suit them,
These young riders in their prime,
Wrangler jeans all worn and dusty,
And their buckles with a shine.

Old riders here from yester year,
Just listen to the talk,
And if they couldn't ride them,
They would have to walk.
To us they are great heros,
I guess you'd say a star,
Quite spoken aussie bushmen,
Would be really what they are.




Duncan Williams. (Australia)

[CottlestonPie]

Nice one D! Your use of rhyme and metre really adds a great deal to it: one of my favourite poems i've read on this forum so far.

A great choice of topic, Is this something you have personal experience of?

I would think about specialising in an area like that and you could probably carve out a niche attracting people to poetry who wouldn't otherwise give it a second look.

Nice contrast through-out. The calm behind the chute and the chaos of the ring, the young men out to prove them selves and the vets who, being too old to ride, have to walk are two examples. Personally, I would make a lot more of that juxtaposition - It's along completely different lines but check out "Work and Play" by Ted Hughs for a masterclass.

It's a difficult thing to critisise someone elses poetry; for all I know your a master of the art and I'm some idiot who's simply missed the point. Nevertheless i'll carry on a bit longer.
I like poetry that is really lyrical and discriptive. Some artist or other once told Jack Kerouac to write poetry as if your sketching a picture, the outcome was a published collection of poetry - i think it's called the "New York Sketches" (if anyone knows this book then do tell me).
Paint a picture with your words - i want to feel the dust in my face, i want to know what it's like to actually be there in a physical sence and emotionally (not that you haven't already done that but i would make a bit more of it).

Please let me know what you think of my comments.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday Duncan

A bit of bush poetry a'la A B Patterson.

This has been my favourite of yours, thus far. I have a few suggestions, some technical, others you can take or leave.

The first verse needs a bit of unravelling IMO. As it stands, it doesn't make a lot of sense grammatically. And the last line is a fizzer - needs a rewrite. Here's a suggestion which I hope doesn't muck around with your meaning too much.

They come from all the stations,
Which are near and far between
Bush towns, to seek their glory -
They're the best were ever seen.
They know what is their challenge,
Maybe first or second place,
Or the champion of riders
With concentration in his face.

In the third verse, the last line should be referring to the clowns (I hope), not the bulls, but that is the way it reads. Shouldn't take too much to fix.

The clowns are there in action,
To help the riders through,
Cause the bulls get mighty fiery,
In a splendid job they do.

Fourth verse - just a small change in "thats"

To gain the points that're needed,
Is what it's all about.

An issue of plurality in the last verse .... Oh and a misspelling.

To us they are great heros,
I guess you'd say they're stars,
Quiet-spoken Aussie bushmen,
Would be really what they are.

I hope that has been helpful. Keep up the good work.

[Duncan Williams.]

Thanking you for your encouragement and views relating to this poem. It's a good feeling to write poetry that people enjoy. kind regards. Duncan Williams.