Poetry Forum

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: `Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear --
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.'

Hmm. Some sort of straight-faced post-modernist joke, I'm thinking. Demonstrating ... what?

Hi
I'm afraid this sort of thing does nothing for me. I think I see why you did it but it's not going to be open to any form of critique based on your ability. I look forward to reading something from your own mind.
Regards
Jack

Hey SS

First crit of one of yours I think . . .

Not sure what reaction you're expecting to this, have seen some of your other posts so here goes . . .

Intellectually, this stumped me to honest (not difficult!). I am not sure if David is right, I certainly got nothing of the sort but I gather there is more to it than meets the eye as I cannot correlate the title to what is being said in relation to David's crit, aside from you plagarising what the traveller from the antique land had said, in which case it all becomes pretty obvious.

Have an image of some acient stones with weird faces sculptured into the surface - an Egyptian totem-like pole or something! But there is nothing for the reader to really enage with, other than the images of the surroundings you paint which for me have no real intrnsic value to be anything other than just pictures without any real emotional connotation. I think Wab said once, and I do subscribe to the view, that the best poetry gives you something to agree or disgaree with (to some degree or another), or some insight, and this failed on both points which for my own subjectivities is a negative.

That said, this is not like your usual stuff, so I wonder where the intention and inspiration come from?. From my own point of view, being technically quite poor, the use of punctuation to good effect here is an eye opener and there this is a great line I thought:

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Not sure if there is anything to go on there SS, do post back and enlighten us all though.

BL
x

Perhaps you should take a look at this beautifulloser....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozymandias

This may hold the answers you seek

D'oh! Should have occured to me to Wikierise . . .

. . . .ok, so from what I can tell, this poem serves no purpose whatsoever!

You've nicked an inscription off some Egyptian stone, put it on a forum and entitled it Plagarism.

Kind of like getting a billiard table, taking out the pocket nets and exhibiting it in the Tate?

viewtopic.php?f=19&t=5584

Neil Anderthal

Don't worry about it beautifulloser, I was half way through critiquing this myself when it occured to me that I'd read it somewhere before. Then the title reinforced my wiki search.
It's a shame Select Samaritan didn't write this as it's a cracking piece, if a little dated

Good artists borrow, great artists steal . . .

http://homepages.nildram.co.uk/~simmers/crespi2.htm

O dear! I've plagiarized twice!

Jesus! Is that for real? She actually signed it as being her work as well. Unbelievable, and to be frank, sad.
I am looking forward to reading your original work Select Samaritan

Hey, Zeus! It's for real! Hardly sad though. More like funny, I'd say.

But sadly, not everyone shares my sense of humor.

Jack Cloverfield wrote: I am looking forward to reading your original work Select Samaritan

Go read it then. And nail me good.

Don't get me wrong, it IS funny, it's just sad that someone puts tuff like that on their site leading anyone who doesn't know better to think that they wrote it!
As for 'nailing' you, that's not my intention, but if you insist

Jack Cloverfield wrote:Don't get me wrong, it IS funny, it's just sad that someone puts stuff like that on their site leading anyone who doesn't know better to think that they wrote it!

Which is actually a part of what makes it funny.

Esoteric humor, man. Dig it.

Jack Cloverfield wrote: As for 'nailing' you, that's not my intention, but if you insist

Constructively of course.

Constructively of course.

I'm not entirely sure that's what he meant

Gaz

lazy

sorry, we are supposed to help aswell as criticise.
write ur own bloody poems!

you have caused a discussion though! and have moved me to respond for a third time so well played for that.
i often wonder whether its all plagiarism in some form or other. we read a poem, digest it, let it settle and before we know it we have borrowed a style.
i think that the aim of all poetry, prose and art in general should be to say something new. something that hasn't been heard before. or, if you cant do that, say something thats been said before, do something thats been done before and do it better.
if this is an attempt at a postmodern twist on things it is a lame one. i cant ever envisage a significant number of people being moved enough by what you have done to think of erecting a statue of you. and if you're happy without a statue then plough on and good luck!

Amadeus wrote: I'm not entirely sure that's what he meant

What's your take on it then? Would he like to punch me or fuck me?

sam wrote: lazy

thank u sam i do luv a good dose of irony evry now and again.

select samaritan.
i will, right now, hand over to u a lesson which i learnt yesterday on this very site:
dont take criticism personally.
let it drizzle off you, or, even better, through you, like water through a duck.
everybody on this site can be witty. everybody can be a terrible c++t, everybody can be constructive.
are you serious about poetry?

the reason you got such opinionated responses to your poem was because you did something that was very naughty, and not very clever - u stuck a new title on an old poem and called it art. - please, please, please, enjoy postmodernism while you bask in it, but try not to stay too long there. keep moving!

thank u sam.

sam wrote:like water through a duck

Nice one sam... Would that be by osmosis?

Mick

*Tsk Tsk* Hhmmm....