Life’s A Drag

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Merlin
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Sat Oct 27, 2007 11:24 pm

Life’s A Drag

Smoked
like a trooper,
choked
heaved
sighed,
Died
like a fish.
beautifulloser
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Sun Oct 28, 2007 5:02 pm

Haha, yeh this is cute Merlin, I like it. I wonder if you are/have been a smoker? I'd be interested to find out to get a little closer to the intention behind this, is it "insightful black humour", you know the sort of humour that finds calling fags cancer sticks, slightly amusing. Or is it a non smoker's view . . . .

I'll put me nob on the chopping block and say -- you're a smoker.

BL
x
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
ioansant

Sun Oct 28, 2007 5:28 pm

I had a favourite uncle die from smoking cigarrets, drowned in his own sputem. Not the way I would want for myself.
Maybe you could send it off to Woodbines Merlin.

Regards

Ioan
Merlin
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Sun Oct 28, 2007 8:30 pm

beautifulloser wrote:I'd be interested to find out to get a little closer to the intention behind this, is it "insightful black humour", you know the sort of humour that finds calling fags cancer sticks, slightly amusing. Or is it a non smoker's view . . . .

I'll put me nob on the chopping block and say -- you're a smoker.
BL
x
Your neck is safe ..BL....I was gonna call it ¨Future¨.........says it all :lol: :mrgreen:
dogofdiogenes
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Sun Oct 28, 2007 8:57 pm

Smoked....like a fish/kipper? Is that how you end up? I like the shape of it and the physicalness of it all-is that a word? :P
I never give explanations-Mary Poppins (Management in the NHS-rewritten by Nightingale F,. original by Hunt,.G)
Sean Sweeney
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Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:15 pm

I really liked this. I dont "really" smoke anymore. every now and then I do and this is how I feel when I spark up. A kind of morbid guilt, for killing myself is such a pathetic way. Dont know if that's what you're aiming for, but that's what it reminds me of.

Sean
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